Read all about it A former auctioneer and father of 12 (yes, 12) was shopping with his wife at a department store when he told her he was going to grab a quick coffee somewhere, not to be seen again for five years. When the man submitted a rental application, the police received word of this missing person's location. They went to interview him, and essentially, he just doesn't want to be found. Mrs. McFly denies that the man they found is him, that she won't believe it's him unless she can talk to him. He doesn't want to talk to her... Well it all sounds plausible and reasonable that someone could have stolen his identify, the police made a mistake in identifying him, yadda yadda. However, then we learn he has done this before. In a fabulous case of living on the river DeNial, she says of the most recent disappearance:

"We were very close and we did everything together, every day. I don't know what to think, I still feel something happened to him -- why would he be in Pennsylvania and not call us? I mean that's not that far away."

Now, I don't know what could have happened between Mr. & Mrs. McFly that would make Mr. McFly feel this burning desire to vanish while getting coffee not once--but twice. One telling clue is Mrs. McFly's statement that they did everythign together every single day. That's enough to make one feel like they're living with a pillow pasted over one's head just a millimeter short of suffocation. And given the fact that he disappeared one other time under the exact same circumstances:

"We then began to dig into the history of Mr. Van Tassel and learned that he did a similar thing and was missing in another part of the country a year previously," said a detective working on the case.

In the earlier disappearance, he also told his wife he was going for coffee. His abandoned truck was found weeks later in Ohio, and Van Tassel was found 72 days later at a homeless shelter in Iowa.

At the time, family members blamed his disappearance on stress and a lack of business at his 32-year-old company, Van Tassel's Auctions.

...you have to wonder how Mrs. McFly still seems to have absolutely no clue why Mr. McFly wanted to flee so badly he was willing to let his entire family think he is dead. Maybe that very blind eye is just one of the reason.

Read all about it Now if I had this math teacher in high school, maybe I wouldn't have ditched class so often. Here's a math problem on a real math test given by a teacher in New Mexico:

Smoky J. sells meth. Smoky's source says he has to sell a G's worth of meth by the end of the month. If Smoky sold 240 dollars the first week and 532 dollars the second week, how much money must Smoky make if he wants to avoid the beat down from his connection?

It's a little unclear how said teacher didn't anticipate the beat down he was in for by putting such a question on a math test.

Read all about it I just don't know what to think when undercover Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms agents have so little real fucking work to do that they: 1-- Conduct an "investigation" into the possibility that illegal betting on a football game is occurring at an ELK'S lodge. You read that right...an ELK'S lodge. 2-- Send armed agents into said lodge to search it, and confiscate an envelope containing $50 from the so-called illegal gambling operation at said ELK'S lodge. 3-- The "head" (yeah, dickhead) of the Riverside ATF justifies this outrageous waste of taxpayer dollars by saying the football pool is a "violation of the law" and that the agency must "take whatever we feel is appropriate action to ensure compliance". You read that quote right as well... "whatever WE feel" is the appropirate action. Who the hell do these people work for anyway? Who pays their paychecks? YOU my friends, YOU do! This dickhead furter states that he is recommending a one year probationary period for the non-compliant ELK'S LODGE which would require the Elk's lodge to cease and desist all "gambling activities" (since when the hell is a $50 football pool a gambling activity! JFC!) must be halted. He confirms, my friends, that such a suspension includes the Elk's Lodge 50-50 raffle event that raises money for disabled children and veterans. Oh, and by the way, a 73 year-old great grandmother and a 39 year-old Elk's Lodge volunteer are facing a year in jail due to the powerful gambling racket they were running over there at the ELK'S lodge. Can I say this enough times? It was a $50 football pool at an ELK'S Lodge! I don't know about you folks, but I am really starting to believe we live in a poilce state and we need to be very, very afraid of our police, government, and politicians. Very, very afraid.

With Michela's fury over the prison beating of Ignacio Nacho Ramos put on ice so that she doesn't drop dead of a heart attack after pulling out all her thick locks with the hand-wringing of the clinically insane, we're going to lighten the post up a bit today with this fabulous quote from her favorite rag, MAXIM magazine:

Popped Collars... Complete list of the people who can get away with this look: Elvis, Elvis impersonators, Dracula. Everybody else, tuck them down. Dick.

For those guys out there who are still unclear on this immutable fashion edict, please see the following clearly illustrated guide before you become a dick:

Her second favorite quote from MAXIM? Where the writer tells "kelp boy" that vegan bacon sucks. However, given the recent events at the Canadian pig farm, we'll just keep that one under our hats.

Mr. President, I have supported you when others laughed and thought I was stupid. I supported the war in Iraq when it was becoming increasingly clear that public sentiment was turning against it. I supported your choices for Supreme Court and Cabinet. I voted for you and Republican candidates at all levels despite the media’s propaganda. I have been loyal to the ideals that you have pretended to follow. Now you show your true colors in refusing to pardon Ignacio Ramos and Jose Campean. Tom Tancredo is absolutely correct: You are an embarrassment to the office of the President of the United States of America. Even if you win the war in Iraq (which you won’t now that congress is run by the Democrats), you will LOSE the war on terror by refusing to close the southern border. Your myopic “open borders” policy is going to allow terrorists to freely enter the U.S. and Americans will die. But you do not seem to care about that, just keeping your buddies down south happy. Pathetic. How can you call yourself a God-fearing man when you take no action to end this injustice? How do you think God would look upon your inaction in this case? These men did nothing but follow the law and try to protect Americans, now they are going to prison for it. I am so angry at you personally, no liberal could EVER match my disgust. I feel betrayed as I have never felt betrayed by a politician before. I have been a stupid dupe, but my naivety ends here. I now see your true stripes and will vote my disgust at YOU and YOUR PARTY every chance I get. Not that the Democrats are a much better choice, but at least I expect them to be traitors so I am not angered as much by it. You, on the other hand, I expected to be loyal to America and the sworn officers serving in your Injustice department. What is wrong with you? This should never have happened in America. Thank you for giving amnesty to a Mexican DRUG SMUGGLER and illegal invader. Thanks for pardoning all of those other criminals that you let off easy. Man, I used to think that Bill Clinton was evil and a crook, but he’s got nothing on YOU. I’m sick with anger and disgust. I hope every border patrol agent quits tonight and we let the Mexicans invade. May God have mercy on your soul. The children of these men are the ones who will pay the most. I wonder if the drug smuggler who was rightfully shot in the butt (should have been shot in the head and this wouldn’t be an issue) will be spending Easter with his family? David Eisenbeisz American Citizen and supporter of the Border Patrol, Ignacio Ramos, and Jose Campean P.S. Tony Snow needs to GO. His condescending and self-righteous attitude toward these two fine officers is sickening and you will be the one to pay the price for his arrogance. You will become the most hated president ever; even more vilified than Lyndon Johnson or Richard Nixon. Iraq won’t be your Viet Nam, Jose Campean and Ignacio Ramos will be.

This is from my radio program who is covering the massive travesty of justice, the Ignacio Ramos / Jose Compean case, The John & Ken Show, Ken Champeau:

Johnny Sutton could make your traffic ticket look like a murder case.

DEBRA KANOF YOU ARE A CUNT AND YOU WILL DIE OF CANCER OF THE EYES AND BURN IN HELL JOHNNY SUTTON YOU ARE A SATANIC MONSTER -YOU WILL DIE OF CANCER OF THE ASSHOLE AND BURN IN HELL GEORGE BUSH YOU ARE AN EVIL IDIOT AND YOU WILL BURN IN HELL WITH BOTH OF THEM MARY BONO YOU ARE A CUNT AND YOU WILL ROT IN HELL WITH ALL THREE OF THEM TONY SNOW YOU ARE AN INHUMAN MONSTER AND YOU WILL DIE OF CANCER OF YOUR ANUS AND FRY LIKE SUNDAY EGGS WITH THE OTHER FOUR

Read all about it ...you know the 'war' on drugs cannot be won. I would think that any sane man, woman, or child who reads this article must certainly draw the same conclusion. This is what the drug 'war' is up against; the desperation and determination of a certain type of person who needs to get high so goddamn badly they will drink piss. You tell me... what jails, what treatments, what war could possibly deter such an individual? Why not give them what htey want and keep them from hurting the rest of us while they madly pursue their drugs?

Read all about it My favorite place in the western world--San Diego--apparently has no problems with gangs, rapists, child rapists, rapists, unregistered sex offenders, drunk drivers, murders and murderers, or any of the other myriad of serious violent criminals who actually impact the lives of innocent human beings. We should all move there, TODAY! How do I arrive at this conclusion? From the very telling information we're given in this article:

...Undercover officers witnessed sex acts being performed in the VIP rooms at the club. The source said the officers were also able to solicit sex for money from some of the dancers.

The VIP rooms happen to be inside a strip club in an industrial area of San Diego. So, now that all gangs, child rapists, rapists, murderers et al have been contained and the population is safe, the city of San Diego can spare the resources to send undercover officers into strip clubs where consenting adults might be engaging in sexual activity. This makes no fucking sense to me; what kind of prudes must our society be if we give a rats ass about what happens between consenting adults in a strip club. It's not as if your 10 year old boy is going to wander in there by accident and be molested. It's just ridiculous; pot smokers and blow job recipients are apparently more of a threat to you than anything else. Either that, or some "undercover officers" really need a job.

This letter was actually sent to Debra Kanof the Kunt, a letter written by Michela: Dear Ms. Kanof: I'm nearly 159% certain you will never read this letter. I'm sure that your assault on innocent humanity has made the ability for you to read your own mail and listen to your own voice mails impossible. But stranger things have happened (for example, the federal government imprisoning two innocent men for a large part of their young adult lives based on the testimony of a drug trafficker), so I thought I'd give it a try. There's nothing I can tell you that you have not read or heard already, such as these men are innocent, you maliciously prosecuted them in revenge for not accepting a plea, or as part of a conspiracy to shut down the security of our borders, that the Ramos/Compean case will stand as one of the most horrific miscarriages of justice in the history of the United States of America. Oh, and congratulations for being the spearhead of such a campaign of federal government terror; that’s quite a legacy! Regardless, I have a few more words for you; you are about the most hideous creature in the female human I've ever seen. I left this message for you on your voicemail, which was screened from you by your--no doubt--equally hideous assistant(s). You are hideous not because your genetics say so, although that certainly weighed in against you as well (eh hem--since you're as wide as you are tall, I just can't help peppering in the puns). You are hideous because your black soul is on display; you have no warmth, no charm, no charisma, no sweetness, no light, no feminine qualities of any kind. I've known lots of genetically unattractive women, and lots of heavy women. And at the same time, many of these women just exuded beauty; beautiful souls with the kindness and loveliness of an angel. YOU, however, are just hideous. And disgusting. I have obtained the information from people very close to this case that dozens of people who have worked with you or currently work with you have nothing nice to say about you. They describe a tyrant...a cold, calculating, disturbed creature in the container of a human body with no interest in justice (in spite of the profession you chose to pursue). I have no doubt you will burn in hell, if hell as Christians know it exists. I also have no doubt that as a sociopath and a tyrant, you're living in a fair version of hell on earth. Were you to exhibit one scintilla of humanity, I'd almost feel sorry for you for existing this way...hated....disdained by hundreds of thousands, if not millions of strangers as well as anyone around you. It must be hard to be a big fat pig pariah. It isn’t easy to be that hated, you had to work for that one. Again, congratulations on being one of the most hated humans on earth. However, all is not bleak for your black soul. The Christian God, the Jewish God, the Muslim God, and Buddha allow for mistakes and redemption. If you make this evil right and admit to your wrongs, you will find that even while you weigh 200 pounds at five feet tall, you will feel lighter. Your hideous face will start to take on a softness, a lightness, and will reveal a glimpse of beauty. But redemption requires repentance. I seriously doubt you will take my advice, and you'll live out the rest of your wicked days as a hideous, ugly, disgusting ball of fat. But I really felt it was my duty to give you the invitation to redemption; your outright refusal of it will just seal your fate into the doors of hell. And as you approach the end of your life, you'll be alone or with another black creature; all real and kind human beings who might have been there for you you've burned and turned away. You'll be sitting there alone for many years with nobody of any quality around you, and Mr. Ramos and Mr. Compean will long be out of prison in spite of your failure to redeem, and they'll be surrounded by their families, their wives, their children, and some of the millions of people who have grown to know and love them through this ordeal. And I'll be sitting there with them, and we'll have long forgotten about you; in spite of the enormity of your evil, we will not waste a breath or thought on you or what you've done. You are not worth one molecule of oxygen if you do not redeem. So all I can say, Ms. Tyrant, time flies. Life is short. You have ever so little time to make your choice; turn towards the light, or keep on your path of evil. Godspeed to you--and may you die of cancer of the eyes--if you choose the latter. Sincerely, Michele O'Dea PS: Lest you think I’m some religious fanatic, I’m an atheist. You might be too. Your trip to the gates of hell might not exist, but remember the black life you are living. Redemption can save you in this life, my dear. This life of which--unless you’re a Buddhist--you get one and only one to live. So it's your choice: blackness or light. Blackness or light. That’s the beauty of life, even for ugly creatures like you; there are always choices.

Read all about it Thanks to Marla for this one... So, here we are, a grandmother and a great grandmother were charged with whatever the hell you charge folks with when a child in your care tests positive for cocaine, twice. Let's count the ways you could see this one coming from 5 lines and a big mirror away: 1: Grandmother/great grandmother raising the kid 2: Grandmother is 42; child is 10. Break out your abacus kids, that means she was a grandmother at 32. I say we get a pool going; closest one to the biological mother's age at child's birth wins. 3: The kid attends a school that regularly tests TEN YEAR OLDS for drugs. And, eh, I notice the "Alternative" in the school's title. Did a quickie google-bee on the school; only 189 kids, 69% male, 31% female, and 68% of the students qualify for free or discounted lunches. Let's get the 2nd MWB pool going here; shall we have a small wager on the fact that this school is for the kids who've been tossed from regular public schools? My lighthearted take on this notwithstanding, my heart goes out to this poor child. If there's a kid out there who doesn't stand a chance, it's her. Her life has been so skee-rewed by the horrid adults who are unfortunately in charge of her that she has already been tossed from public schools and is doing cocaine by TEN. Sometimes I just wonder how the hell human beings could be so defective as to fuck up a poor little girl like this. I guess it starts with the 14 year old mother (and whatever made HER have a child at such an age). Well, sorry to end on such a disgusting note and to earn myself another millennia in purgatory, but as Adam Carrolla would say, at least the world got another stripper and not another violent male criminal.