Read all about it The real headline of this story is "Man Burns Self in Religious Protest" but let's face it... there are 11,999,999 ways to protest the fact that a school district is renaming 'Winter' and 'Spring' breaks to 'Christmas' and 'Easter' breaks. And the 12,000,000th way is to light oneself on fire. Only the insane will choose that option. It makes me scratch my head to wonder how or why a news organization would give legitimacy to this bizarre act by calling it a "protest." Pleeeeze... the man is completely insane. Think not? Try holding a match--hell, I won't even make you put it on your skin--one inch from your thumb for a minute. Can't do it? Good. You're sane. This guy? Insane. Sane? Writes letters. Insane? Burn self. See? It's pretty clear...

The holidays have MWB at a little quiet lately, but another fabulous quote warrants a quick entry. "Frangela", a comedy duo from Los Angeles, responded to Courtney Love's public admonition to Britney Spears. Love said something along the lines of "I didn't go out much before my daughter was a year old." To which "Frangela" replied:

When Courtney Love starts giving you parenting advice, and she's right, you know you're doin' wrong. You've messed up. Yep, you've messed up.

God only knows I try to avoid any story that says word one about Britney Spears and any of the other caggle of sub-zero IQ'd 'stars' like....well never mind you know the list. But this was a precious gem. Courtney Love, drug muddled babbling mother of the year gives sane advice to white trash Spears. Gotta Love (hehehe) that one.

Militant feminsts and other miscellaneous birkenstock owners are always good for a fabulous Whackadoo Quote of the day. Our latest? Some grass-eating, mustached, guaze-skirted representative from a "women's rights group" Equality Now (gag me with a 5 pronged pitchfork) said this about my favorite place to watch everyone else eat chicken wings:

The most concerning part of a restaurant like Hooters is it’s been normalized — you even see sometimes families go in ... and this is a place where a woman’s body is really the object of the restaurant.

That's right. Taina Bien-Aime (somehow I don't think that's a hyphenated after marriage name; my guess is there isn't a guy with half a sac left in NYC who could date this chick for 5 minutes, never mind marry her) thinks that the Hooters restaurant chain is "concerning." Oh dear! Families eat there? Whoa there nellie! You mean a kid might see a woman with big boobies in a tee shirt? Dollars to vegan doughnuts MS. Bien-Aime doesn't go to the beach. Or to the movies. Or shopping. Dear god, on a recent trip to that fabulous US shopping mecca, South Coast Plaza, I saw at least 1,000 women dressed more obscenely than Hooter girls. And there was no shortage of 12 year-old boys to oogle them, either. And just because we can't see MS. Bien-Aime's form behind her 12 pounds of very loose gauze couture, that doesn't mean that the rest of us gals don't want our bodies be admired. What a concept! Feminists have castigated women for decades for hating our bodies, now we're supposed to be ashamed of them? Hide them? Not "let" them be the "object" of a restaurant? Now, wouldn't you rather get your grub from a hot chick than a fat slob with a hairy wart? I sure would. Just let me know where MS. Bien-Aime eats when dining in NYC...me thinks I wouldn't want to go there and be served by a woman with more piercings than a peg board, more tatoos than skin, and dreadlocks so glued together by filth only a clean shave will fix it. Noooo thank you. Gimme Hooter girl boobs any day.

I have no story to link to, this is based on a TV show I watched last night. It was an extremely informative discussion on volcanoes (there are four types), the worst volcanic eruptions in earthly history (about five), and what happened after a few of those erupted during the time of present-day man. One of those big volcanic eruptions during the time of present-day man was one that erupted in Indonesia in 1815. The Tambora volcano is the largest volcanic eruption ever recorded by 'modern' man. On April 5th, 1815, a moderately large explosion spewed enough ash into the air to travel 900 miles. An even larger eruption occurred over 2 days, April 10th and 11th. This eruption spewed 1,765,733,328,611 cubic feet (yes, you are reading that correctly) of magma onto the earth. The result? The earth experienced two years without a summer. There were reports of ice and snow in Connecticut in JULY. Crop and livestock damage was widespread. Tambora's volcanic cloud lowered global temperatures by as much as 3 degrees Celsius (about 5 degrees Fahrenheit). People were miserable; 92,000 people died of starvation. Fast forward to 2050... if the wildest, highest predictions of so-called global warming come true, the earth's temperature will increase by about 4 degrees. I have to say, yeah? So? What if it went the other way? What if we were going into an ICE AGE? Ask yourselves, people, would you rather live during an ice age or a warming period? Would you rather have your crops frozen, or your ice caps melted? Don't forget...those 92,000 people died of starvation from a one-time event; it was not a permanent average temperature change. Imagine how many would starve with frozen crops if it had been permanent. One of the solutions being proposed to "combat" the warming of the earth is to spew pollution into the atmosphere to block the sun, just as a volcano does. Okay people...do you want 2 years of your life with no summer? With icicles dripping off your roof in July? Of frozen crops and frozen livestock? Why don't we all just accept the fact that the earth has warmed and cooled and warmed and cooled throughout the entire history of earth, and maybe we're contributing to a warming period and maybe, just MAYBE, we're stopping the next ice age! Why is it that liberals think A) They can control everything in the universe with enough liberal thinking and B) That just because the earth is warming it MUST have been caused by human input as opposed to normal cyclical changes and C) Why can't they see that warming is a much, MUCH better to the alternative so even if we did cause the earth to warm a few degrees, we're lucky? Huh?! Can a liberal whackadoo out there splain to Loocy how a cooling earth would be better? For anyone? Even their beloved plants and animals that would freeze to death? Animals and plants fare MUCH better in warmth! How many polar bears are there? How many places for it to live? And then, how many species in a rain forest? See people? Animals and plants will fucking THRIVE in a warming period (okay, the polar bears won't make out so good...but you can't save all the starfish in the sea, see?). We will DIE in an ice age...just ask the woolly mammoths and the dinosaurs how much they liked the ice age. MKay?

Read all about it In our continuing effort to control people's behavior (which, as we saw from fallen evangelist Tom Haggard, it can't be done), another human being's life meets a violent end. As it turns out, the groom who was gunned down in New York City might have been caught in the "crossfire" of the war on drugs and sex. For some reason, there are idiots out there who think all you have to do is spend billions of dollars a year and ruin, oh, just a handful of lives, and the war on drugs is--has been--won. This story shows how this delusion couldn't be farther from the truth. So, anti-drug people, are you totally comfortable with the fact that an innocent young man about to be married has been gunned down for your war? Are you totally comfortable that a 92 year-old woman has been gunned down for your war? Forget Iraq...we've got the body count piling up right here at home.

It's important to remember the glorious world we live in. More populated by human beings than monsters, more benevolent than evil, more beautiful than ugly. It's easy to forget these things when you read the daily news. But allow me to give you a small reminder of the beauty all around us, if only we take a moment to look.

Photograph taken early one morning last week by Michela while walking Devil Dog (aka Satan aka Fernando).

iGanja and I went to see Tommy and Shelby Chong at the Irvine Improv Friday night. And no, he did not launch into any N-word tirades. But he did give MWB our Fabulous Quote of the Day. It was roughly:

The government says that marijuana is and should be illegal because it makes you lazy and unmotivated. Now there's a reason to throw people in prison for 10 years! "You're lazy, and unmotivated. You're going to prison!"

And he's right...if we threw all the lazy and unmotivated people in this world into prison, why, only Marla, Michela, and iGanja would be left! tee hee

Read all about it Wow; where to start. A museum in Toledo, Ohio was trying to lend a painting by Goya to the Guggenheim Museum in New York City. It seems to me a sophisticated transport plan would have been in order, but instead they just hired two goofs with a Uhaul to transport the priceless piece. The goofs were spending the night in a Howard Johnson motel and parked the truck in an unlighted, unguarded lot locked with a padlock they got on sale from WalMart (I'm just sayin'). I had heard the Goya was stolen, but I didn't realize the Keystone Cops were transporting the painting. I imagined some elaborate Brinks heist with thieves in black masks rappelling down the side of the armored vehicle and surprising the transporters despite their highly alert efforts. But alas, the thieves needed no such elaborate plan; only a pair of bolt cutters (from WalMart) to pop the cargo latch and sneak off with something they later found to be un-hawkable. I almost feel sorry for those guys... they should ask the Keystone Cops to be reimbursed for their troubles.

So got some more beayoooteeful spam email subjects:

WELL.....
an acclivity
out of faintest need be damned afraid he has handed him,
by discriminate a sequestration;
Earl
Jose
Maryann
quality and refinement for men and ladies
moss-covered one-winged
Feel strong

Maya Angelou, eat your heart out (with "pill to make impotence never again", of course).

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