A long-neglected category here at MWB, but I've got to put this one out there before another poor soul shells out one more hard-earned cent on a BMW. What's the problem you say? 1: I've had at least 20 minor to major defects in 2 1/2 years of owning the car which I purchased with 9 miles on it. It couldn't have been any newer a car unless I put it together myself in Germany. 2: The "free maintenance" plan is bullshit -- it's a pain in the ass to get in -- the BMW paid maintenance is every 15,000 miles. By the time that 15,000 miles is up, the car is falling completely apart. My maintenance is due in 500 miles, my battery light is going on and off, the trunk latch is behaving strangely, the glove compartment lock is broken again, the front end is wiggly, and they won't let me bring it in that 500 miles earlier; I can get the defects handled, but then I gotta go through the pain in the ass process AGAIN to get the oil changed in 500 miles. It's hardly worth the "free" oil change. 3: The brakes are designed to disintigrate every 10,000 miles. I'm about to be on my 3rd set of front brakes. BMW claims this is "by design" and facilitates that famous BMW handling. iGanja has one fo the best handling cars I've ridden in (an Infinity FX),and his brakes don't disintigrate every 10k miles. 4: Side effect of the disintigrating brakes...black brake dust coats the wheels so fast it's hardly worth washing the wheels. Washed them yesterday...they're black already today, I drove 7 miles today. 5: The leather on the seats is as fragile as paper. I carted a 160 pound mastiff around in my Mercedes SL 500; not a scratch on those seats. My 10 pound chihuahua has scratched the hell out of my beemer seats. I won't even bother to go on. Just trust me...neither Consumer Reports nor MWB recommends BMW automobiles anymore. The handling is nice, it's true, but it's hardly worth allt he crapola you have to put up with just to take a corner 1/50th of a mile faster than a soft Mercedes can take it.

This is just plain funny stuff, I tell you whut! Thanks to MWB-er Frenchie for these gems: 1. 'Who Represents' where you can find the name of the agent representing a celebrity. www.whorepresents.com 2. Experts Exchange, a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice www.expertsexchange.com 3. Looking for a pen? Look no further than Pen Island at www.penisland.net 4. Need a therapist? Try Therapist Finder at www.therapistfinder.com 5. Then of course, there's the Italian Power Generator company... www.powergenitalia.com 6. And we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South Wales: www.molestationnursery.com 7. Welcome to the First Cumming Methodist Church. www.cummingfirst.com 8. Want to holiday in Lake Tahoe? Try their brochure website at www.gotahoe.com 9. Then there are those crazy art designers and their whacky website: www.speedofart.com

Read all about it When harvesting pot, try not to smoke so much at the farm that you forget you're walking down the street carrying pot plants with the roots and all, especially if the county jail is on the route between the farm and home.

Read all about it Florida is just an endless source of laughable maroonery. Unfortunately this story is a quite sad commentary on what can happen when said maroonery can make decisions that are so utterly destructive (like the guy who proudly invented CFCs...). I realize this was 30 years ago, but even 30 years ago we knew that tires had to be disposed of carefully because they would degrade into soil, polluting the soil. Gee, then what 68 IQ idiot thought that tires dissolving in the ocean would create a life supporting ocean reef? Did the idiot's flippers clap or just wave when the idea hit the conference room blackboard? Or was this decision rendered based on the wink of a groundhog? "He winked!" "Well, does that mean he approves?" "Yeah, says right here a groundhog wink is a 'yes' vote. So say the groundhog! Let the tire dumping begin!" And with this, the (so far) creme-de-la-creme Florida moron story, MWB succumbs and has created the category "Florida Fun." Welcome to our target list of mockery, FL!

Read all about it Muslims are outraged at the Pope for calling some of the teachings of Islam's founder (Muhommad?) "evil and inhuman." Gee, what could he possibly have been talking about...those that demand death to the infidels? Those that demand that women are horribly oppressed? Those teachings? Hmm. Bad pope, bad! And to such an incorrect statement, the forward thinking Muslim community says:

And in Turkey, the ruling party likened the pontiff to Hitler and Mussolini and accused him of reviving the mentality of the Crusades.

Ah yes, the progressive nature of Islam is weary of a 'revival' of the 'mentality' of the Crusades. To which I say, man, you guys are waaaaaaaaaaayyyyy ahead of the Christians on that front; you've been beheading people and torturing and murdering people who do not follow in strict Islamic fundamentalist ways, even when those you torture and murder are Muslim because they're not Muslim enough... Sounds like the Crusades to me you whackos! Only difference is, our Crusades were 1,000 years ago; yours continues on this very day. Now, if only the ruling party in Turkey would make similar proclamations against the barbaric behavior of Muslim terrorists...

Read all about it This is as liberal a spin as any I've seen; and it's on Foxnews.com no less. It is basically a small diatribe about how the government, and schools, and government programs are failing to address the growing issue of obesity in children. I have been to a number of baseball games this year. You know what I see at every single game? Parents and children. You know what the children are eating? Peanuts. Cotton candy. Gigantic hot dogs. Nachos. All at the same game! There's a pudgo family who sits behind us who sits there and orders this stuff constantly from the in-seat service (these are club seats I'll have you know...thanks iGanja!). From the minute the National Anthem is done to the final pitch in the 9th inning, this family is eating eating eating. The daughter, who appears to be about 10, is already just plain fat. Their son is on his way (he appears to be about 8). So I'd like some liberal nutball to tell me how a government program or a teacher or a school can counter a family like that. What, you're going to beat the kids up all day while the idiotic parents stuff their faces all night? How's that going to help? If that mother can't see what a fat pig her daughter is, no school program will change that. No amount of funding, no nothing. Who knows where this fat-kid 'epidemic' will stop, if it ever does. But I assure you, until parents like that wake the fuck up, it definitely will not. And no government program will wake them the fuck up either, I am certain.

Relishing in the glow of a fantabulous SHUT OUT of the Raiders by my San Diego Chargers on Monday Night Football in Oakland, I was wondering what those creatures were in the stands of the stadium. I did some searching today, and I figured out what they were even though they have tried very hard to hide their true, non-human origns...they are Ferengi! The teeth...the scowls...the broken English...it all fits!

Read all about it MWB's Michela got so excited to have her picture taken with her heroine, Sara A. Carter of the Inland Valley Daily Bulletin, she forgot to do some more due diligence. Thanks Maddox Man for pointing that out. This is the link to a complete versoin of Sara Carter's article, the one that triggered the outrage that just might save two American Heroes from losing the rest of their lives to a prison sentions...seeing their SIX children fatherless...all for shooting an illegal alien drug dealer carrying ~750 pounds of pot...all while doing their level best as Border Patrol Agents along a very hostile border.

Those are lyrics from one of my favorite songs by The Stone Roses, and in this story, the words couldn't be more accurate. MWB presents to you Sara Carter, reporter for the Inland Valley Daily Bulletin. She is the taller, hot blonde on my left (for you spacially challenged, she is simply on your right as you look at the screen). MWB Salutes Sara, the reporter who uncovered the story of the persecution of Ignacio "Nacho" Ramos and Jose Compean. She went to El Paso, Texas presuming that she couldn't possibly have the story right; that the outright persecution just couldn't be as bad as it sounds. Upon arriving, interviewing the Department of Justice's Assistant US Attorney General Bitch Debra Kanof (keep calling her at (915) 534-6884 and telling her what a mockery she makes of the word "Justice"), upon interviewing Jose & Ignacio (Nacho), she found the story as appalling as it really is, and for that, she is my heroine. See, the liberal media cocksuckers at the LA Times would have found a way to spin the guys guilty, no matter what overwhelming evidence to the contrary they uncovered. Sara is an MWB heroine because she did what a reporter should do, and that's ucover the story, remove the biases, and report as-is. Thank you Sarah! Largely because of you, these guys have a fighting chance. No paper in their hometown supported them, no other paper in California brought this story to the fore, and once you wrote your story, a John and Ken Show listener sent it to them, and as the top-listened-to drive-time show in Los Angeles with over one million listeners in LA alone, PLUS Riverside, Orange, San Bernardino, and Ventura counties, these guys have A LOT of support now. Let's hear it for Rockstar Sara A. Carter....

Just as tsls commented in the previous story, The John and Ken Show on KFI held a rally of sorts for the Border Patrol agents who have been outright persecuted by our government and now face twenty years in prison for shooting a drug dealer in the ass. Well of course, this story goes to Michela's core and Michela did not miss this rally. This story is a perfect representation of what happens when governments are run unchecked; they have so much power over innocent lives. And they can have a certain machination that doesn't stop once it's put into motion, even when all available evidence indicates that the machine should be stopped. I find it difficult to convey in words how every single aspect of this story demands outrage, but here's a go.

The bare essentials: 1: One Border Patrol agent was sent to investigate the fact that underground sensors planted by our government had been tripped. Another (Nacho), interrupted his lunch at the main station to go back up the situation 2: The first agent was in a scuffle on the ground with the suspect who tripped the sensors; shots were fired. The suspect had ditched a large white van. Due to the location at the border and the van used by the suspect, there was little doubt they were dealing with a drug dealer, and drug dealers along the border are typically well-armed. 3: The second agent pursued the suspect, who had managed to escape from the first agent. 4: The second agent believes he sees the suspect turn around to fire a weapon; he fires in self defense and hits the suspect in the ass. 5: The suspect continues fleeing and gets into Mexico. 6: The drug dealer has a mommy who knows the mother of a border patrol agent in Arizona. Follow this? 7: She calls this other border patrol agent's mommy, who calls her son, who calls some internal affairs type bureau now a part of Homeland Security. 8: Homeland Security sends a precious resource into Mexico to interview the drug dealer. 9: The drug dealer claims he was unarmed, and attempting to surrender when the agents tracked him down and shot him in cold blood (in the ass). Are you convinced? 10: Homeland Security pursues the charges against our Heroes.

The "Case" against the Heroes: 1: The agents attempted to kill the drug dealer in cold blood, for no reason. No reason whatsoever; never mind the drug dealer had tripped underground sensors in an area well known to be traversed used by drug dealers. 2: The agents failed to fill out some paperwork on time.

The facts: 1: The agents were convicted mostly on the testimony of the DRUG DEALER! 2: The van was ultimately found to have 748 pounds of marijuana, a street value of $4,000,000. Anyone believe the guy was unarmed and defending this booty with his pinky fingers? 3: Ignacio Ramos, the agent who fired his weapon in self defense, was nominated for agent of the year in 2005, so according to our Department of "Justice" (don't make me laugh), this agent went from creme of the crop to rogue manhunter in less than one year. 4: Ignacio Ramos, the agent who fired his weapon, had fired his weapon only one other time in his 10 yeras on duty. That was in 1996 under very similar circumstances. So according to our Department of "Justice", this agent went from not firing his weapon more than one time in 10 years to a rogue and murderous man just like that ('snap'!). Anyone believe that? 5: Both Heroes are veterans of the United States Navy. 6: The case was tried in El Paso, a pro-open borders town. The chances for a fair trial (we'll get back to why there was a fucking trial in the first place in a few minutes) were about the same as getting a conviction for OJ in Downtown Los Angeles. It was the OJ jury in reverse, as stated by the head of the Friends of the Border Patrol. I can't even begin to describe my disgust. I met Mrs. Ramos. I met Mr. Ramos. There have never been two finer human beings, and I pride myself on my ability to size people up. These are hometown folks, they are the parents of THREE children. Their youngest boy was subject to the front ends of rifles and shotguns as he anwsered the door late in the night when something akin to a goddamn SWAT team was sent to arrest these men, Veterans of the US Navy, ten-year veterans of the Border Patrol. The Attorney General in San Diego puts out some lame press release about how we have to let drug dealers captured along the San Diego border because there are so few resources to prosecute them. But I guess we have enough resources to give IMMUNITY to drug dealers and to PROSECUTE UNITED STATES Border Patrol agents. Final note...the drug dealer is suing the United States for $5,000,000. I'd bet that same $5 mil on the fact that this whole charade was framed for the purpose of filing this lawsiut, and the Evil Dilberts at Homeland "Security" (I just can't write those words together without my stomach turning) played right into their hands. Perhaps they're in on the scheme. Does anyone feel safer now that a drug dealer has immunity and two Veterans of the United States Navy and the US Border Patrol might go to prison for twenty years?

Do you feel safer now? No? Say a big thank you to the following:
US Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez, (202) 353-1555 Prosecutor of our Heroes
Assistant U.S. Attorney Debra Kanof, (915) 534-6884 Defender of this outrageous policy
US President George W. Bush, (202) 456-1111

PLEASE CALL THESE ASSHOLES AND TELL EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THEM HOW MUCH SAFER YOU FEEL!

And for one final, final note, according to the official Department of "Justice" website, the prosecutor of this case has the official title of "Chief, Major Crimes." Then BITCH, why weren't you going after the major criminal, the DRUG DEALER? This case sickens me so much I can't even think about it anymore.
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