Read all about it So, imagine, you've just killed your wife. That could be the start of a bad day. Then you cut her head off, and in the process of taking the head to its hiding place, you crash your car and the head flies out the back; all while a local police officer observes the crash and the head as it goes flying out of the car. How does your day get worse? You just killed two people (a mother and child, no less) in the crash and so you will also be charged with double vehicular homicide, in addition to the plain old homicide of your wife. The only day that will be worse than yesterday for this guy is the day his pro bono defense attorney tries to find a sympathetic jury.

Our fabulous quote of the day is from John Ziegler, read at www.JohnZiegler.com:

"The female figure is the greatest known evidence that there might be a God...but the female psyche is an indication that this God has a very sick sense of humor."

MWB couldn't agree more. As a mostly female website, the gals of MWB think most females are beautiful and witty; solid contributors to society. On the other hand, as our JRule points out, they can also be bitchy, haggish, angry, resentful, overly suspicious, nagging, and illogical Beelzebubs. And that's all at the same time! MWB gals agree males fall into four simple categories: Category One: Hot guys. Definitely fuckable; the type you take home only after 1 a.m. and kick out by 3 a.m. as they are not built for, eh hem, conversation. Must be able to make a sandwich without waking you. Difficult task for Category Ones; they're not so smart, and the best thing they have going for them besides being fuckable is a pulse. Category Two: Ugly guys. Not fuckable. MWB always prays these guys are super smart, say, like Billy Boy Gates. Otherwise, the best thing they have going for them period is a pulse. Category Three: Hot guys, not fuckable. They are assholes. Cannot speak in complete sentences. Growl at the television frequently. Have broken several remote controls during the superbowl. These guys like hoochie mamas who wear t-shirts that say "GOT MILK?" Category Four: Hot guys, fuckable, relationship worthy. And that's it. See, again, chicks can be, all at once, in all the above categories and 50 more. Within the same day!

Read all about it KFC is being sued because the fat used in their cooking processes isn't "healthy." MWB has got another unhealthy thing for you; being such an idiot you would eat at KFC and then guffaw over the fact that it is not healthy. Any idiot that big is too dumb to live.

Read all about A family court judge was gunned down in Nevada. Now, gee, folks, what on EARTH would possess someone to gun down a family court judge? Hmmm. I could count the ways but there isn't enough available disk space on the MWB servers to complete such an exercise. But the tip of the iceberg might be ...handing down sweeping (and fucking unfair, I might add) declarations about the several year history between two people from the high horse of a family court pulpit with nary a review of the facts And the straw on the camel's hump might be ...holding an ex spouse hostage and slave to the whims and irresponsibilities of the other ex, which completely inhibits that person from moving on with their new lives in any meaningful way. Maybe these are just a few of the reasons a gunman fired upon a family court judge in Nevada.

From my friend JRule, regarding finding the right woman:

"You want to stay positive, efficient, warm, high confidence, hopeful."

But...

"It's like trying to remain pure of heart while dueling beelzebub."

Beelzebub indeed! When I hear of the hags my poor guy friends are forced to choose between, Beelzebub, Ice Queen, Anger Hangar, I just don't know what to say. But let me give it a shot... MARLA AND MICHELA ARE THE CATCHES OF THE CENTURY!!!!

Read all about it This article describes the push to ban foie gras (as the article notes, French for "fat liver"). The ducks are fed through tubes in large quantities so that their livers enlarge. MWB is opposed to this practice. All the way. But we're opposed to 99.9% of the practices utilized in the animals-as-food production industry, and like one of the interviewees in this story notes, where does it end? I'd like people to stop kosher methods of food slaughter, fur coats, caged chickens, and god only knows what else that goes on behind the closed doors of said food production. But an MWB opinion does not earn our right to mandate that opinion via legislation. Fuh thuh luv 'a gawd, if our opinion translated into reality, here's a sample of how the world would look: - Japanese cars would not be allowed in the left lane (super-cool Infinity SUVs allowed)
- Marijuana use and abuse would be legal, mandatory, even, for the most annoying US Citizens (should we start with Ann Coulter or Hillbilly Clinton?)
- Fat people would not be allowed to buy low-rise jeans
- Writing checks at the grocery store would be a death penalty offense
Any single group, entity, think tank, whatever, shouldn't be able to legislate our lives because god knows what would happen. Now I realize the world changes described by MWB are quite enticing, but some might find them a bit extreme, just as it is extreme to legislate a single food item because a handful of activists don't like the method. Whether it's by suing the hell out of McDonald's for "making" people fat (as though that company had a tube down the fattie's necks like the ducks) or by illegalizing foie gras, the imposition of left-wing or right-wing beliefs is a dangerous, moss-covered slope and we're screamin' down it more all the time.

Read all about it Police have arrested a man believed to have murdered the Civil Engineering student at Clemson University. The headline says it all:

"The suspect...had an extensive sexual criminal record that dates back nearly two decades."

His registered sex offenses include kidnapping and sexual battery with a weapon or force. How many offenses are unregistered because he was never caught for them? Countless more, no doubt. Goddamnit! When are we going to keep these creatures locked up where they belong so they can no longer slaughter innocent human beings while they sleep in their beds? Imagine being the mother and father of this unbelievable woman, and having to live day in and day out for the rest of your life knowing her horrifc final moments at the hands a repeat sexual offender with a history of violence spanning 20 years. Imagine the rage you'd feel....                                                                                           Tiffany Marie Soeurs                                                               1986 - 2006

Read all about it Thanks to Marla for these hillarious hijax...there are just so many ways to mock Floridians when they get a bit mischievous. This story is about two wacky Florida college kids who crawl into a giant balloon filled with helium, and promptly die. MWB will bet a million bucks there was no warning label on the killer balloon, but we suspect they were already too stoned (or stupid) to have understood such a warning label. Regardless, there were certainly a few signs these double-digit IQ drips missed, warning label or not. Hint #1 The balloon was really, really big, and yet it still managed to float mysteriously off the ground by several feet. Note to selves: big balloons that float off the ground are probably not filled with oxygen. Hint #2 Presuming the double digit drips cued in on Hint #1 in the slightest way, then they noticed the really big balloon wasn't filled with oxygen. Note to selves: humans breathe oxygen, not helium. Therefore, being completely surrounded by a gas that is not oxygen, and having no access to said oxygen to breathe, well, that just might be a recipe for your death. Hint #3 If you want to attend college in Florida, you're ill-equipped to be judging how much helium you can inhale and survive, so just skip it altogether. Not even the little bitty balloons tied to the happy birthday cards, k?

Read all about Joe Thanks to Maddox Man for this one...hawk-eyed MWB-er Michela spotted this fab frase in Maddox's email signature.

"The person who cannot find time for exercise must find time for illness." - Joe Loprinzi

As it turns out, Joe Loprinzi is quite a character. He has been a weightlifter since the 1930's, started one of the first weight-lifting classes for women, and a "jogging" club which was first mocked in the 1960's. Michela has a real problem with the word jogging...it sounds like an activity those chicks who lean heavily on their arms on the treadmill while they read cosmo, and burn 50 calories in a 50 minute workout. But this is the 1960's and it was revolutionary. Go Joe!

"Good thing they don't play with bowling balls!"

So says a sub-triple digit IQ'd teen sitting behind me at the baseball game this evening after a foul ball soared over our heads.

"If they did, we'd be dead right now!"

Honey, if they played with bowling balls, all the players would be dead right now. Let's not even talk about that silly wittle topic called "physics" either. It would give her a headache just to pronounce the word...