Read all about it Thanks Marla... It's hard to read this article...like watching that kickboxing clip, where one opponent breaks the tibia (shin bone, my simple-minded, hangover-fogged bloggees) of the other opponent completely in half, a fact not apparent until he steps on the leg and it collapses. I gather this guy's penis was broken completely in half during sex. Arrrrghhh! That was hard to write, and I'm a female! He sues the offending sex partner over this obviously complete accident. Typical liberal mindset (this guy could be a GOP chairman; we're talking mindset here). They expect us to live without risks, suffer no consequences or side effects of life. People, corporations, the government, must remedy even fluke occurrences since the mindset demands a risk-free life. After you get by the ick-factor of the story, and then after you stop giggling, think about what it's really about.

I am a BlackBerry carrier. And it is as bad as it sounds; like a 'carrier' of tuberculosis and a 'carrier' of typhoid... a BlackBerry carrier. It can be an addiction; as surely as the herion was through Steven Tyler's veins, it can be an addiction, and that's when it morphs from BlackBerry to CrackBerry. When I first got a job that gave me this Crack addiction, I thought, cool! Heroine addicts say the same thing, their first high; hey that was great... and, I won't get hooked. And then the Crack starts calling you, in the middle of the night, all night... it starts as low whispers at first; harmless and breathless little sounds..."check me.... check me.... check me...." and as surely as the high on first plunge of the syringe, if the mail count went from "4" to "5" between 10 p.m. and 10:15 p.m., you get a little thrill. It's subtle, to be sure; you can still walk to the bathroom without falling down. But it's a thrill nonetheless. A whiff of importance, a brief added meaning to life. Then, like all addictions, it gets worse. The subtle, breathless whisper turns into a scream: CHECK ME! CHECK ME! CHECK ME! Like a baby in a poop-filled diaper, you're checkin' that thing 20 times a night. And your brain's pleasure centers feed you when you get that indicator that tells you your emails have incremented, one after another; 4; 5; 6; 9. Ooo I'm important now! Then, like all addictions, the justification sets in... Okay; I'm checking this thing 80 times a night and all night long, but at least I won't have to get caught up on my emails tomorrow! And what a good thing too, because you're gonna have to get caught up on your sleep. Then, like with all addicitons, the crash... I'm checking this thing 80 times a night, it's all bullshit, the people sending me emails all night must be on crystal methamphetemine, and I'm about to lose my mind. NO MORE! I QUIT! And you set the CrackBerry on the entry way table to charge, set to "off". And this, my friends, is the night the electricity in your server room goes, and they try to reach you all weekend. This is the night the stunning application you installed last week has crashed and burned this week. This is the night that your reconciliation module cannot reconcile. This is the night you reach... Acceptance. And you turn the CrackBerry back on, and you don't dare stop checking it, and you don't question it anymore, like any good Borg would (not). Life is good again.

Read all about it This article describes an African tradition in which widows must have have sex with a male relative of her husband. I won't even bother saying why; it is no more worthy of an explanation than the fact that the Easter Bunny hides eggs. Why...why... Who cares why? The participants who have been forced into this servitude are not always willing (what a surprise) but the tradition continues. And then Bono blathers on about help for African HIV sufferers and I have to say why? These traditions, the powerlessness of women, the corruption, the superstitious nature of their traditional beliefs, all work against real change. What a waste of the world's money. Bono has managed to create a flow of money down a superstitious drain.

Read all about it Leave it to those whacky Krauts to find a new way to pick up someone for some kinky sex; over the handlebars of a walmart shopping cart. If I have to stoop to this level (uh, the one that has me meeting HIM while on my knees picking the best shaver), I'll skip Walmart and head to the sex shop for equipment instead.

Read all about it A man who bludgeoned his girlfriend to death with a cast iron skillet was set free by the parole board in his state after only serving 5 years, brutally murders again, and this is news? It should be a justice system revolution. The parole board states that this is an "unusual case" and that parolees don't "generally" commit crimes of this extreme when set free. Not generally? Gee, I feel safer... Besides, parole board dude, I don't imagine you have a lot of Le Creuset killers to begin with. And the case underscores the greatest injustice of the 20th and 21st centuries; while we have insisted on incarcerating a 19 year-old woman carrying 5 pounds of cocaine for the rest of her life, we'll let a brutal killer walk free in 5 years. I'd have loved to be a fly on the brain of this parole board when they pondered his release..."Gee, I'm sure a homicidal skillet killer can change in 5 years; it's not like he used a gun..." Tell that to his three newest victims, bludgeoned with a claw hammer, strangled, and stomped to death, in that order.

Read all about it Unfortunately for you, me, consumers everywhere, and the union employees themselves, the latest warnings that the big unions are in trouble and perhaps headed towards demise is just another chicken little cry. This story describes in-fighting, political problems, and legal problems of the largest union in the US today. Um, 'scuse me, but doesn't this describe the state of the unions since 1920? I do not believe Jimmy Hoffa was fed to the fishes (or the stadium parking lot, as the case may be) because the Union's family harmony was as strong as the Brady Bunch in the last 30 seconds of any episode. Nor would this be the first time the unions have faced significant investigations by the federal government, nor the first time its members are dissatisfied with the results they receive. However, since the few remaining very highly paid unskilled labor jobs (liquor, longshoreman, car manufacturing) which remain in the US are strangleheld by unions, that no single person has the choice not to belong to a union to work in one of these union jobs, the death knell is a little premature. Indeed, the satisfaction with unions by their own members have been waning since the 70's. Other than a few exceptionally choice meats--such as longshoremen--the benefits union receive for their huge union dues is small. They have free health care, but uh, 'scuse me again you blind union members, you're paying $100 a month for this freebie, and you're starting to be able to do the math even though you went to California Public Schools. The members see that when they go on strike for the newest and future members of the unions (grocery store strikes) they lost big; the grocery stores lost little money (since they weren't paying fat cat union wages and benefits for so long) and people still shopped and didn't really care. Further, why should they care about the future snot-noses when they have a family to feed today? Retirement, the other sacred cow of the unions, is proving to be a lost ghost as well. While the unions have managed to previously brainwash their masses that their retirement plans are better, safer, blah blah, anyone with a friend in Finance 101 and a handy Texas Instruments calculator can tell you even in the most risky 401k plan where losses are racked up, the 401k retiree will be sipping frothy margaritas in Bali while you line up at the Walmart in Phoenix for the big sale on Shasta Root Beer. Again, in spite of their California Public Educations, the natives are growing restless at the math that proves their non-union peers frolicking with natives in the tropics. However, while the stranglehold holds, the unions have a furious infusion of cash and I doubt they will fold in my lifetime. But believe me, I'll be checking the US news from the sub-equatorial tropical beach when I retire.

Read all about it A child who was abused so severely that she is now permanently physically and mentally disabled won $26 million from the state of Florida. It seems that when a child is beaten by her parents, or the mother's boyfriend (in this case), the state is liable. The child couldn't walk, and she was taken to a hospital where a tumor was found on her spine. An abuse investigation was opened her collar bone was also found unexplicably broken. Within one month of being released from the hospital she received the devastating beating. If the state takes your kids away because they think you're abusing them, and the state is wrong, the state is responsible (read in dollar signs). If the state doesn't take your kids and you are abusing them, the state is responsible (more dollar signs). The state can't win, the kids are losers regardless, and the taxpayers foot the bill as always. Juries (and liberals in general) forget that the 'state' doesn't sit around printing money all day; it comes from somewhere. And abusers should first and foremost be the parties responsible when these crimes occur; the state's only involvement can--at best--be a stopgap that may or may not stop all the gaps. The number of children in foster care is a staggering figure. How can a massive government bureaucracy possibly identify and help them all... Neither the child nor the adoptive parents have a claim to the state's coffer's and no right to become instant millionaires due to the evil mother and the evil mother's boyfriend.

Read all about it So much focus is on Newsweek for having printed an inflammatory news story based on flimsy or fabricated evidence of wrongdoing at Guantanamo Bay. Of course MediaWatchblog is not surprised that such a story would make it to print in this magazine, no more than we were over CBS' Memogate. This media mis-information has been and will be an issue as long as liberals think the media is unbiased, and as long as media organizations continue to be blindly arrogant with news decisions. But it's blissful to me that the liberal media blindness is now running them over as surely as 94 year-old driving at 2 a.m. In the same way that media leftists have not written that the carnage in Iraq is due to homicidal maniacs, they are simply retreating and not addressing the fact that once again the maniacs are at work. These prehistoric animals have murdered, pillaged, and destroyed city streets over the mere suggestion that their holy book has been desecrated. I wonder what license the leftists would give us when they desecrate our flag, the Christian bible, or our religious symbols by displaying pagan “artwork”--urine soaked religious artifacts--paid for by taxpayers. The violence committed by these 'people' is astounding; they slaughter more human beings than the most notorious serial killer in the history of the western world combined. They are more cruel, heartless, and inhumane than any despot; they simply have limited resources. And yet the media writes about these 'people' as though the had a reason--a valid reason--to murder and maim the way they do. Perhaps the reason they live in abject poverty and misery is that they are barbarians for another time; one more fitting the Crusades than Microsoft. And perhaps that means we should let them all rot in their miserable deserts. I'd walk to work for that cause...

The Golden Ass by Apuleius is a fabulous piece of Greek literature. The main character, Lucius, is transformed into an ass after he happens upon a town of witches. The story is about Lucius attempting to find a remedy to his ass problem, such as it is. That's about how I'd sum up many of us Americans. Yes, Americans. Americans are unique in the Western world in that we drive everywhere (as opposed to taking public transportation), lead soccer-game fueled frenetic lives, eat lots of pre-prepared foods in fabulous excess, and watch too much television. Before I romanticize our train-loving, Metropolitain-riding European cousines, for the record I was highly amazed how un-put-out Europeans are by having to ride bicycles through Munich in Winter, or by the mud slogging you must to do to catch the Metro in gay Paris...but I digress. Our thighs spread, our frenzied lives become too much, and Desperate Housewives hits too close to home. We start to look for the magic diet pill, anti-depressants, and a different TV Show. What the hell am I rambling on about... I had a talk with a gal having trouble keeping her weight off, and having pain in her neck from "tendonitis due to a PC monitor," which made it even more difficult to exercise. Sounds reasonable, even likely, doesn't it? She was in so much pain she was considering a workers' compensation claim. She then says, "have you seen this show?" and "have you tried netflix?" Mouth shut, me thinks, the neck pain isn't from bizillion hours of weekly TV?I started to tell her how I, coincidentally, had been having a stiff neck. It was completely cured by neck exercises I do in Jiu Jitsu, and she stepped back, aghast... exercise? The look on her face...put my hand in boiling oil? My goodness no; no time for the gym (a gym, for which our company pays 100% of the dues, is in our parking lot). And, she didn't want to worsen the severity of the "injury." This gal is now getting some horse pills from the doctor for the pain, while juggling transportation to her daughter's dance lessons and her son to Pee Wee Football. Once again, mouth shut, but me thinks that the solution to this crazy life is the horse pills, the physical pain... much like Lucius in search of a solution to his ass transformation, that's what we do. The simple solutions are in front of us, and they're simple. But as Golden Lazy Asses, we can't discern our fuzzy lips from our tails. The irony of it is that she is not lazy at all; she runs around like Paul Revere on the eve of the invasion. But rather than refocusing her efforts, she'll hit the horse pills and the simple solution will slip further out of reach.

Read all about it A fanatical Christian friend I had once told me how homosexuality was wrong, but he would not hate them "just" for being gay, and did he not believe they would go to hell. How magnanimous it is of Christians to let gays through the pearly gates, along with child murderers who have been redeemed on their way to the gas chamber. He would only say he "loves the sinner, but hates the sin." Sin? I would ask him, isn't it the least bit possible god created homosexuals to control the population? Or perhaps to provide nannies for orphaned children. Women were dropping left and right during childbirth...a flaming homosexual nanny would be a gift from god, in my mind. It wasn't possible to him that human beings are so complex, so much so that infinite variations are possible, and that this is one of the defective variations just like cleft palates, dwarfism, or red hair. I wouldn't normally compare gays to dwarfs, but I'm trying to reach Christian logic centers here; if a person did not choose to be homosexual, there is no way it could be a sin. Even more, it might be part of the grand design, of which Christians always profess not to have personal knowledge; that doesn't stop them from telling us they know better than we do when it comes to their belief systems. He couldn't answer why fanatical Christians are so concerned with who screws what in where. After all, if homosexuals are so evil, and they're recruiting, protect your kids from them the same way you would from drug dealers, or people who use the F word too much. It never made sense to him when I said, "It's none of your business what they do in bed, and NO, holding hands in public does NOT make it your business any more than it makes it my business whether or not you and your wife have oral sex, just because you hold hands in public." We must not tolerate fanatical Christianity any more than fundamentalist Islam. The ultimate path of each is the limitation of personal liberty and bloodthirsty pogroms. The Crusades may have been hundreds of years ago but Bosnia, Serbia, Sudan, and many others were just yesterday. Let's not have a tomorrow.