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August 28, 2007
When you think you've seen it all...come back to MWB
This is an MWB picks of all MWB picks. Get it ladies... it's your Kegelmaster 2000! Yes, that's right... a Kegelmaster 2000 to improve your pelvic floor health. But wait! There's more! It comes with an instructional DVD and its own sly carrying case.
Who knew such a thing existed? Who knew! But you saw it here, on MWB!!!
Posted by Michela at 07:56 PM | Comments (1)
July 16, 2007
It's true boyz n girlz, THIS is the Lollipop underwear
It should be a crime that panties called the "Lollipop Cuff Brief" should look like this:
Posted by Michela at 08:00 AM | Comments (2)
May 17, 2007
Get Smart!
Loyal readers know I've got one toe pointed to green leanings; I recycle aluminum cans (turns out recycling paper is worse for the environment than throwing it away), I combine errands, I take my clothes to a green dry cleaners, blah blah; it's very little, I just do what I can do.
But I'm getting on the high-mileage car thing lately; NOT because of global warming. That's where me n the enviro whackados part ways; I think the earth might very well be heating up. But for the same reason it was hot enough to farm on Greenland 1000 years ago... it's cyclical. There are numerous scientists--don't be fooled by the liberal media that all scientists are on Gore the Liar's side--who say this is cyclical and the greenhouse gas effects are nominal compared to the sun's impact. Mars is heating up right now too and to my knowledge it doesn't have SUVs on its roads. Er, surfaces, er,whatever.
So no, my high mileage car desires stem from our ability to completely sever all ties with those who believe freedom is evil; those who think that their countries should be ruled with Sharia law--the laws that say a woman should be stoned for being raped unless there were four witnesses otherwise; those who think the world should look like 600 AD, not 2007 AD. Those people do not deserve one dime more of our money, so it's time to turn away from our high mileage cars and, well, GET SMART!
Check out these adorable Smart cars; they get a whopping 60 MPG, and are about as safe as any passenger vehicle, AND, you can part two in the same space as one normal-sized car.
MWB say, Get Smart! They'll be available in the US in 2008.
Posted by Michela at 07:55 AM | Comments (5)
May 12, 2007
MWB Picks! Jingle Jugs for Father's Day!
Just when you didn't know what to get your man for father's day.... It's like putting a kid in front of Teletubbies. You'll keep him outta your hair all day long!
Now THAT'S eye candy!
Posted by Michela at 07:47 AM | Comments (4)
April 10, 2007
MWB Definitely Picks!
This is the "EX Revenge" Cutlery set. 'nuff said!!!!
You can find this gem at www.PerpetualKid.com. And it comes in SIX colors!
Posted by Michela at 08:00 AM | Comments (12)
October 31, 2006
MWB Doesn't Pick: The entire MNF Commentating Team
So this year, Monday Night Football went to ESPN. As annoying as John Madden can be, holding his hand up so you can see his Super Bowl rings, endlessly talking about "momentum", and Al Michaels, John's seeming lapdog, eesh, I was happy to learn they would not be the MNF commentators when it went to ESPN.
Alas, as Granny always said, be careful what you ask for.
The MNF commentating on ESPN this season is worse than bad. It's horrible. The endless drivel about some game that happened 20 years ago...Last night: "Remember that game in 1986?" And for 99% of the people watching, NO, they DON'T remember some random game from 20 years ago. Oh, but it gets much worse...
They went on to somehow call the "front line" of some basketball team the "best" front line in basketball. Then, one of the idiots said, "Oh, to segue..." then began speaking about the football game they were supposed to be commenting on in the first place! iGanja properly noted something along the lines of, "You idiot! the segue was your random claptrap on basketball!"
Oh, but it gets much worse...
At some point, the weenie little guy in the middle of this commentating team with an 80 combined IQ said, do I dare try to remember this verbatim? It was so fucking random I can't even recall what analogy he was making...but it was something like, "It's like Shirley Maclaine in [enter name of some fucking Broadway musical here] on Broadway." Huh? I think he was talking about the Tom Brady, and how reliable he is. But shit man, come ON! There isn't a straight guy outside New York City who wants to hear one lick about Broadway musicals! And to compare one of the best (and hottest and manliest) football players to an old superstitious hag like Shirley Maclaine, WTF!!!!! I was speechless... As much as we tried to fiddle with turning off this speaker, moving the balance, you name it, we could not silence these buffoons and still hear the game so we were stuck.
Note to Monday Night Football at ESPN: FIRE THESE GUYS NOW! The games have sucked enough...do we have to hear lame commentary by three ugly guys, too? Pleeeeeze!
Posted by Michela at 07:38 AM | Comments (11)
September 25, 2006
MWB Doesn't Pick BMWs
A long-neglected category here at MWB, but I've got to put this one out there before another poor soul shells out one more hard-earned cent on a BMW. What's the problem you say?
1: I've had at least 20 minor to major defects in 2 1/2 years of owning the car which I purchased with 9 miles on it. It couldn't have been any newer a car unless I put it together myself in Germany.
2: The "free maintenance" plan is bullshit
-- it's a pain in the ass to get in
-- the BMW paid maintenance is every 15,000 miles. By the time that 15,000 miles is up, the car is falling completely apart. My maintenance is due in 500 miles, my battery light is going on and off, the trunk latch is behaving strangely, the glove compartment lock is broken again, the front end is wiggly, and they won't let me bring it in that 500 miles earlier; I can get the defects handled, but then I gotta go through the pain in the ass process AGAIN to get the oil changed in 500 miles. It's hardly worth the "free" oil change.
3: The brakes are designed to disintigrate every 10,000 miles. I'm about to be on my 3rd set of front brakes. BMW claims this is "by design" and facilitates that famous BMW handling. iGanja has one fo the best handling cars I've ridden in (an Infinity FX),and his brakes don't disintigrate every 10k miles.
4: Side effect of the disintigrating brakes...black brake dust coats the wheels so fast it's hardly worth washing the wheels. Washed them yesterday...they're black already today, I drove 7 miles today.
5: The leather on the seats is as fragile as paper. I carted a 160 pound mastiff around in my Mercedes SL 500; not a scratch on those seats. My 10 pound chihuahua has scratched the hell out of my beemer seats.
I won't even bother to go on. Just trust me...neither Consumer Reports nor MWB recommends BMW automobiles anymore. The handling is nice, it's true, but it's hardly worth allt he crapola you have to put up with just to take a corner 1/50th of a mile faster than a soft Mercedes can take it.
Posted by Michela at 08:00 AM | Comments (8)
August 14, 2006
MWB Doesn't Pick Outback Steakhouse
As my friends know, I am thoroughly baffled by the popularity of the restaurant Outback Steakhouse. My bewilderment has been reinforced by a recent horrible meal I was forced to suffer through at this restaurant which continues to make me believe the food is borderline poison, but somehow the place is as popular as ever.
In previous visits, I have tried the steak (an overpriced filet mignon cooked rare has the texture of beef jerky and the flavor of cardboard), the chicken (to describe the chicken breast as rubber would be generous), and now the shrimp "griller". The shrimp were essentially chewing gum, and had the seasoning of a fish salted so much that it would be preserved for two millennia in King Tut's tomb without rotting.
Oh let's talk about the service; given the salted mackerel posing as shrimp that I was attempting to eat, I drank my entire bottle of Perrier pretty quickly. My attempts to make eye contact with one of the purple-shirted servers did not succeed; it was 10 minutes or more before anyone was able to get another drink... iGanja had to stand up and flag someone down since the purple shirts were running by us as though we were contagious.
Why did I eat there once again? My sissie picked this restaurant to celebrate my niece's 5th birthday; it's a clamorous place, and children can be as rambunctious as they want and it's hardly noticeable.
So let's summarize Outback Steakhouse:
--Terrible food whether from land or sea
--Terrible service
--A loud, raucous atmosphere which masks even the ranting of a two year old
Anyone see any redeeming value here whatsoever? No? Then why is this place crowded even on a Sunday afternoon?!?!
Posted by Michela at 12:26 PM | Comments (10)
December 03, 2005
MWB Picks Workout clothing
Big BIG kissaroo to Nike
Nike is still making petite workout clothes, even though so many Americans neither work out nor buy workout clothes to use in an actual workout. The "Small" in the Addidas line is only a small on a fat farm by our estimate. Thank you Nike for keeping us svelte little creatures on your radar; we buy everything you're shipping tp our local super sleek Nike store.
Posted by Michela at 08:00 AM | Comments (0)
MWB Picks: Dr. Laura
Everyone who has any idea who on earth Dr. Laura is and what she stands for has an opinion about her. You either worship her as a lone apostle standing against the self-centered evil of the do-what-you-want-if-it-feels-good society, or you despise her as an artifact of antiquity looking to keep homosexuals and women under the boot of white male patriarchal oppression.
On whichever side you fall, it'd be nice if you could pull your opinions out of the black or white side of all your issues and see her for what she is; a person who fights for the good of kids (how terrible), and on occasion, can really offer a major bit of assistance to people in pain. Here is a transcript of a call that just about made me sob:
Caller:
Dr Laura:
Posted by Michela at 08:00 AM | Comments (0)
November 29, 2005
MWB Picks: Absolutely Fabulous Pooch Accoutrements
Featured in magazines all over the world, these are collars, leashes, luggage tags, and yes, charms for your treasured furry companion. Cats can also revel in the AbFab selections. Charm 'bracelets' for your pooch, charms you can share, we're all over it. Since we love our anti-pets (click here for the anti-dog and anti-cat pix), we'll be looking to expand the ways we absolutely spoil our absolutely fabulous furry friends with these absolutely fabulous accoutrements!
Posted by Michela at 10:59 AM | Comments (10)
November 22, 2005
MWB Doesn't Picks: ALL THINGS WALMART
Forget that Walmart hires walking brainstems to scan those little pencil looking bars across the blinking red thingie (the best explanation a Walmart clerk can give you for what their job is), forget that Walmart packs their aisles so full of junk you can scarcely maneuver around the five-fat-kid-family to retrieve your toothpaste, forget that the store layouts make as much sense as the mazes used by scientists to confuse genetically dumbed down rats, they sell crap. CRAP.
My Ma (the best Ma in the whole wide world [and a reader of this blog eh-hem, eh-hem)]) was kind enough to buy me a set of sheets after my flood (all you people rolling your eyes and saying oh JEE-suss, not the fucking FLOOD again! go to hell, ko?). Those sheets were 300 thread count. They're sandpaper, I tell you, sandpaper. I've got 250 count sheets that feel better after a day at the beach. Further, they are bleaching out with each wash. They have big white spots all over, as though I washed them in bleach. I don't even own a bottle of bleach. I don't bleach anything. It's just the crap dye used in the crap sheets. AND, they do not even fit my pillow top mattress. Is there any mattress on this green earth that is not a pillowtop besides the po' college student Futon? Anyway, Walmart, they sell crap. CRAP. If you wanna save 5 cents on your toilet paper, go ahead. In the meantime, I'm going to TARGET!
Posted by Michela at 09:56 PM | Comments (2)
November 19, 2005
MWB Picks: Capote the movie
I sat through this whole movie without even pestering anybody for the time. And that is saying a lot for a movie that has very little action, no sex, and the flat, desolate Kansas landscape as its central exterior backdrop. I'm late with this endorsement, it's playing in few theaters now. But if you want to see one of the best acting performances of this decade, I urge you to see this flick.
One thought crossed my mind watching this movie, having read both To Kill a Mockingbird (written by Harper Lee) and In Cold Blood (written, of course, by Capote; the creation of which is the central focus of the movie)... what were the chances two of the greatest witers in the history of the universe would grow up next door to each other? This film depicts the close relationship between Harper Lee and Capote, friends since childhood. Capote never finished another novel of any sort after In Cold Blood, and Lee never wrote another novel after To Kill A Mockingbird. Capote's finality we toss off to alcoholic insanity...Lee? Mockingbird is one of the greatest books ever written. Is it possible it was written by Capote? Why would such an amazing author never produce another work whatsoever? Even Capote produced flashes of genius through his alcholic fogs (Answered Prayers). Just a thought.
Posted by Michela at 10:30 AM | Comments (0)
September 01, 2005
MWB Picks: Super Duper Cool Home Office Furnishings
One of the hardest things to find is very cool home office furniture. The good desks are usually either these powder coated steel cubicle reject looking things, or something from the latest over-priced Ethan Allen "Goombah Gaudy" Collection, worthy of Carmelo Soprano's dining room.
To the rescue? Plummers Home Furnishings, a fairly decent collection of german cool with the posh of a New York City loft. But even better and with a much larger selection is a catalogue company, Topdeq. Visit both:
www.plummers.com
www.Topdeq.com
Posted by Michela at 08:00 AM | Comments (0)
July 21, 2005
MWB Picks: John Howard, PM of Australia
Not only does he look like he was a babe in his prime youth, this Prime Minister calls it as he sees it and doesn't doublespeak like a typical pansy, vote whoring politician.
Some highlights:
"I remind you that terrorist attacks occurred before Iraq was on the radar screen, and those people who argue that this is really because of Iraq simply ignore those facts."
Mr. Howard said the motivation was the same as that which prompted the October 2002 bombing of a nightclub in Bali, where 202 people died, including 88 Australians, which was before the March 2003 US-led invasion of Iraq.
Here's a guy with Cajones. He's telling it like it is. 9/11 was before Iraq. Bali was before Iraq. The USS COLE was before Iraq. What I'm having trouble finding in the mamby pamby liberal media are his comments that the attacks are, purely, plainly, simply, due to the extremists' hatred of our free, non-Muslim way of life. He pointed out that Bin Laden's first condemnations of the nation of Australia were after Australia liberated East Timor from the hellish grip of those Muslim nazis.
"Should Australia not have done that?" he says.
Unfortunately, Prime Minister Howard, the pink ladies of the leftwing no-war-no-matter-what-pig-is-pulling-your-fingernails-off-one-by-one crowd would say, that's right, Prime Minister Howard, you should not have done that. Knowing a bit about the slaughters of East Timor, I doubt its residents feel the way the pink ladies feel.
The pinko feminazi crowd signed a statement to Bush about not doing anything about the Taliban, and its oppression of women (never mind Billy Blowjob Clinton didn't do anything about them for 8 years, allowing terrorists to truly organize to the degree they are today). Then, when we did take out the Taliban, they signed something saying NO WAR. You can't win with the alfalfa snorting pink ladies; you just can't win.
Posted by Michela at 04:05 PM | Comments (0)
July 12, 2005
MWB Picks: Solar X-treme Sunscreen
That stuff is absolutely amazing! It has totally kept me blemish-free for months. Light-weight, and yet still keeps my slightly dry skin moisturized. With the SPF-45, I do not have to worry about shielding my beautiful, young skin from the sun while I drive around town with my sunroof open in F.B. (Fat Bastard; my second home on wheels, a Tahoe). I am trying other products in the line and my face is doing great (of course I had amazing skin to begin with but it is maintaining it perfectly). However, I can attest that I have seen a dramatic improvement in a less-fortunate co-worker's face since she started using the Epicuren products.
At this time I give a "100%, this is the best stuff you'll ever use on your face" endorsement to Solar X-treme. One important thing to note, as this product contains propolis (basically sanitized bee vomit), so hon, you cannot use this product if you are allergic to bees or honey.
Posted by Marla at 11:05 AM | Comments (3)
July 06, 2005
MWB Picks: Save your cheese! with the FoodSaver...
Two big smooches to the FoodSaver home vacuum pack machine thingie. We resisted owning one of these things because they are advertised and sold on late-night infomercials of the cheesiest variety.
Someone gave us one of these home vacuum pack machine thingies for free, and speaking of cheese, it has saved our precious stock of cheese. For weeks now, it has perfectly preserved our parmesan, brie, gorgonzola, swiss, and our personal fave, the Fog cheese that works out to well over $40 a pound when the best of the best is bought (at Bristol Farms, soon-to-be MWB pick). We're doing an experiment with some crackers; we vacuum packed 6 of them and we're going to bury it on Marla's vast country estate. Results will not be announced in our lifetime (Marla and I would have to admit there is a passage of time and for us, there isn't. So there.).
But you know those crackers will be edible in 20 years so get a FoodSaver for yourself and start vacuum packing everything you own. You'll love it!
Posted by Michela at 01:46 PM
July 04, 2005
MWB Picks: Batman Begins
We liked the Batman movie. We loved Batman (played by Christian Bale), Michael Caine as the loyal British servant archetype, and Liam Neeson as the good and evil anti-hero.
Katie Holmes? We hated her, and webarely realized she was the same silly little girl Tom Cruise drags all over the world. She is as believable in her sincerity as an actor on a Saturday morning tween TV show. She also has a bizarre way of speaking by only moving half of her mouth. We kept expecting the drool to slither out on that corner of her mouth, since it made her look like she has had a recent stroke. Maybe it's all those vitamins she's choking down, as a new "Scien"tologist.
The movie was too long, but it was much more entertaining than any previous Batman movie and much MUCH more than Spiderman.
Posted by Michela at 12:43 PM | Comments (2)
June 23, 2005
MWB Picks Vacuums
Big BIG kiss to Oreck Vacuums
It's a sad state of affairs, but even the MWB team's fabulous city flats and palatial moutain hideaways get a little dusty hither and thither. Fortunately, our servants can get it all cleaned up with this fabulous, powerful, and lightweight Oreck vacuum.
If you visit the Oreck site, the deals are fabulous; you can buy the vacuum and bill it in super-cheap monthly installments to your own credit card. Honey, this is free money. Your maid gets the place uber-shipshape, and you don't even have to pay for it up front, and no interest (we know $40 is a rounding error in your checkbook so you won't even miss it). You also get to pick a really nice freebie, which MWB also loves.
And Marla says, god forbid, if the maid doesn't show and you're forced to do the vacuuming yourself, it's not that bad with the Oreck. You won't hurt the mani, pedi, or paraffin wax softness.
Posted by Michela at 07:59 AM | Comments (3)
June 10, 2005
MWB Picks Make-up
A new Eye Shadow: Kiss to Revlon
The MWB team has found an absolutely fabulous new (and cheap) eye shadow; Revlon's EyeGlide Shimmer Shadow. It can be used as lipstick or eyeshadow, which is handy for your tiny beaded evening bag. As eyeshadow, it has the very nice effect of making your eyes look a little sparkly. On lips, lipliner is a must. It goes on easily in a rear view mirror while driving, but Team MWB recommends you wait for the red light in spite of this convenience.
Posted by Michela at 07:00 AM | Comments (0)
June 07, 2005
MWB Picks Chocolate
Big Big Thumbs Up for Lindt Wafer Bar
German chocolatier Lindt makes a fine chocolate, and their Wafer Bar is the best bar ever, bar none. It has unassuming, almost unappetizing name reminisent of mass, doesn't it. Those krazy krauts are meticulous down to their marketing, arent' they. Can't you hear them in the Lindt boardroom; "Eets ah schokolate bahr, und eets got a vafah in zee meedle, vee must kall it a Vafah Bahr.") doesn't begin to describe the heaven-in-a-foil-rectangle that it is.
Can only be found consistently at Cost Plus. Thank you Cost Plus; Trader Joe's introduced this slice of chocolate heaven to me then took it away from me. After ordering a pack of them from Lindt themselves, I found it at Cost Plus.
Posted by Michela at 11:53 PM | Comments (1)
June 05, 2005
MWB Picks Hair Dryers
A Cold Cheek to Conair
The Conair Ion Shine hair dryer's flip switch is too easily turned off while you try to hold the dryer; it's right where you need to hold the dryer. Very annoying. Costs MWB team at LEAST 2-3 extra minutes each morning and probably endangers our coiffs.
Posted by Michela at 08:00 AM | Comments (0)
June 04, 2005
New! MWB Picks
If you're looking to do real research on something you want to buy, this isn't the place. Consumer Reports has the lock on that one... however, if you want a quick and dirty a few things the MWB team really likes or hates, you're home.
Other efforts at this sort of thing are sites such as ePinions.com, where allegedly random consumers post their opinions of products they have purchased. I'm convinced ePinions is monitored, and actively seeded, by companies and retailers. When something negative is posted about a product, someone posts a drippy Danielle Steele novella response which is obviously utter BS: "After having been quite disappointed in my Verizon phone and unsympathetic customer service, I was desolate; how to find a wireless service who could meet my physical needs for high quality technology, but also bring me the sense of safety and self completely lacking thus far in the unfeeling wireless industry. Alas, I was taking a stroll one Saturday afternoon and I happened upon a Cingular store. Fate? I think not..."
With claptrap like that, how can you possibly trust any of the posts on those sites. I've bought a few things based on positive reviews at ePinions, only to find that either my luck was very bad or the ePinion posts were fake bullshit. Since I'm the luckiest person in the world, I'm voting for the latter...
Alas, here we are. What has the MWB team of Marla and Michela found to be the best or worst of something. We'll post these occasionally and you can see the complete list by selecting the category, MWB Picks. Tell your friends!
Posted by Michela at 08:00 AM | Comments (1)
MWB Picks Computers
Big Kiss to Gateway for Profile series
Small, powerful, it fits nicely on any small desk--as well as any laptop but more powerful. Until Gateway gave us this PC, you had to be an Apple Macintosh Grasseater to get something this small, cool, and powerful in a non-laptop computing machine. The monitor is built-in and high quality. Naysayers... "what if the monitor dies before the computer..." Trust me, you'll want a new PC long before the monitor dies. Besides, MWB is a blog for the party of Rich White Men (so sayeth that genius CHER) so when the monitor dies, just throw it away and buy another one, because you can.
Final words: Michela has had a Gateway Profile for 2 years and its performance is still perfect, it's quiet enough to sleep next to it (which we do frequently when having to research liberals), it has tons of USB ports right there at your fingertips (no more getting a thong up the butt trying to plug in a USB stick or camera...!), it's just the best.
Posted by Michela at 07:59 AM | Comments (1)