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March 31, 2007
GD MF-ING BMW!
Okay peeps, it has been a mere six months since I last posted about my dissatisfaction with my (once) brand new BMW. Since then, that fucking car has been in the shop three more times for serious problems; alternator, broken door hinge, and now I seem to have some issue with the exhaust system; a very noticeable whistle and flapping sound is coming from under the hood, and so now I have to go back AGAIN to figure out what the problem is.
That visit to BMW service will mark the twenty first visit to the repair shop in 2 years 11 months of car ownership. I have written to BMW of North America about this issue; when I bring it in again on Wednesday, I'm going to ask them to drive it off a cliff for me.
The most defective car Consumer Reports ever reviewed was the Yugo, and I think those cars on average did not have as many problems as I've had with my Kraut engineered POC. I am so disgusted, I would never, ever drive another BMW unless they gave me one for free in perpetuity. And even then! Who has time to take their car into the shop every 2 or 3 months? Driving home this evening I was thinking...have I ever gone more than 4 months without having to go into the fucking shop for something? I'm going to have to create a multi-tiered pivot-tabled spreadsheet just to figure this out; I've gone over my paperwork several times, and I have a pretty good idea, but much more analysis needs to be made at this point. And BMW of NA. You don't even want to know what I'm thinking right now... you'd call the police and hire personal security if you did.
Posted by Michela at 11:04 PM | Comments (8)
March 26, 2007
Save the planet! Buy a Hummer!
A million thanks to Frenchie for this one...
Add this issue to the long list of the "things grass eaters do to save the planet that actually hurt the planet more" category. It turns out the energy required to manufacture a Toyota Prius hybrid far exceeds not only the energy required to manufacture a Hummer (by quite a lot), but the overall energy 'footprint' (to borrow from the grasseating lexicon) to manufacture and drive said Prius 100,000 miles exceeds that of a Hummer when driven 300,000 miles. I just love liberals; the Vulcans would never visit earth while Libs are in charge, that's for sure; they couldn't handle the illogic.
Posted by Michela at 09:08 PM | Comments (9)
March 24, 2007
There isn't a hell hot enough, a pain strong enough
I read this article, and the only other two news articles (or topics) that have made me more angry than this one are those related to my Border Patrol agents (BUSH the LIAR...FREE THE TEXAS THREE!) and the story of a little boy in Georgia kidnapped, raped, and murdered by a father/mother/son trio. This kind of news is enough to make a person want to hunker down and promote world destruction via nuclear bombs. Some days, a world this terrible doesn't seem worth saving. Of course I find the good things in life too, like South Park and Trader Joe's Pound Plus Chocolate Bar with Almonds.. Let's not forget the hysterical photographs one can take in a place called Lamont, California.
So what's this heavy jive all about? A little girl who was "diagnosed" with ADD and bipolar disorder at the ripe old age of 2 1/2 years. A year and a half later, she is dead from an overdose of the drugs she was given for her "conditions"; she died a slow, painful death. In the final hours of her life, she tried to get into mommy's room for comfort; in the pain of her looming death, she wanted mommy. Ironically enough, it was mommy and daddy who had slowly been murdering her all along. It's enough to make you want to poke a hole in the prison wall where these monsters are being held for murder and claw their eyes out.
These parents medicated the hell out of their children, courtesy of YOUR tax dollars (the were on welfare and medicaid). And these monsters managed to find a public defender who lays sole blame on the doctor; the parents were merely "dutifully" following the "doctor's orders."
My ass.
They didn't want to deal with their kids' normal behavior. The didn't want to be parents. They wanted drugs to babysit their children so they wouldn't have to do it themselves. And how on god's green earth they found a psychiatrist to go along with this scheme... that psychiatrist should be drawn and quartered with the same horse used on the parents.
Two more things come to mind; one, how many more children are similarly drugged up (or down, I should say) with the blessing of an evil psychiatrist? If a child doesn't die, this goes on forever, until this completely ruined human being has to go out into the world and fend for themselves, and their brains have likely been irreversibly damaged. And two, if the field of psychiatry wants to elevate itself from the charges leveled at it by whackos like Scientologists, they should self-police themselves better.
Posted by Michela at 10:26 PM | Comments (2)
March 23, 2007
Fabulous quote of the day
Michela is again the source of a fantastic quip. My second this year! In discussing a certain pigheadedness of someone I may or may not work with...
If you try to milk a bull, all you get is bullshit.
If only you all knew how true this is!
Posted by Michela at 09:50 PM | Comments (6)
March 22, 2007
Why I hate television and you should too
So many people tell me they don't have enough time; for themselves, to cook, to do this, do that. But in the same breath, "Hey, did you see Ugly Betty last night?!" And, heaven help us, "Can you believe [fill in blank] got kicked off American Idol last night? He [she] is the best singer this season!" These people may as well be speaking greek; I've never heard of--never mind seen--Ugly Betty. I couldn't name a single contestant on American Idol, and only a single past winner. I somehow caught Carrie Underwood singing on a stage (was it the Superbowl?) and when I said, who is this chick and why is she singing at this event? She's got the dance moves of a cardboard box and the stage presence of a wax figurine. I was advised she was an American Idol winner. Yes, she could sing, but so can a lot of people; in the video-killed-the-radio-star age, you must also have some shazaam. For that reason, she might be joining Ashley what's-her-face in Not Really A Starville sooner than later... but I digress.
Tonight, a rare night when my brain couldn't process another bit or byte, I gelled in front of the TV for precisely 10 minutes, and I caught a show I have heard on the radio is a HUGE hit: Are you smarter than a fifth grader (or something like that).
Next time I want to gel 10 minutes in front of the boob tube, feel free to pull all my fingernails off one by one; the pain is less than 10 minutes of standard TV fare. In front of me was a woman--the 'up' contestant--who was wringing her hands over whether or not to "walk away" with her $175,000 winnings, or to answer the question, "How many months in the year have 31 days?" She recited a mnemonic poem several times, and counted the months you recite in the poem (the months with less than 31 days) on her fingers. Finally, she held up four fingers on one hand and one finger on another, and then counted up how many fingers were extended.
She then used her fingers to subtract 5 from 12, and still the gnarled knuckles of despair--the four taut knuckles on one hand, and the fist with one finger extended in the other. The tension was palatable (right). "Should I continue? Yes! Yes! I do think 7 is right." After some minutes of this shit, Jeff Foxworthy (our host), says, "We'll give you the right answer... right after this break!" To which the contestant and the audience gasped--nooooo! No more waiting to see if 7 is right!!! Nooooo!
We return to the show after our commercial break to learn dear contestant was correct. There are indeed 7 months in the year with 31 days. My chihuahua knew that one. Now we get the next question, and we are told this question is from first grade geography. "What is the only continent that is also a country." Dear contestent starts holding up her hands and naming the seven continents (again with the finger counting). She glosses right over the finger tick of Australia, finishes her list, and declares she doesn't know; they're all countries... "North America is a country..." The host again reminds her she can "walk away" or keep her now $300,000 earnings. He again reminds her it's a first grade geography test question. Ms. Contestant bows out and keeps her $300,000, but not before making me suffer through another round of finger ticks and continent names, still ticking right by Australia without any signs of the fading mental filaments lighting up in that pea brain as it did so.
And this is the most popular show on television. Someone please shoot me. Or my TV.
Posted by Michela at 09:05 PM | Comments (4)
March 20, 2007
It works on gas price signs, but not warts
Our little duct taped gasoline price sign below is an absolute gem, warts and all. But as it turns out, duct tape isn't good for warts after all. Not only that, this issue has been studied twice.
I'd really like to know how this ever came up. At the big grant approval agency in the sky, someone actually went before some board up there and said, "We'd like to study whether warts can be eliminated with duct tape." To which the board replied, "Brilliant! Here's two trillion dollars. What a brilliant idea! This must be studied, and the sooner, the better!"
Posted by Michela at 12:22 PM | Comments (0)
March 17, 2007
From the files of the roving photojournalist wannabe
On a recent roadtrip to Lamont, California, I caught this sign of the times. When the gas stations have to start duct taping their signs together, Armageddon can't be far.
Now, loyal readers are asking... where the hell is Lamont and why the hell did you go there? Mz. Michela's lead foot got her yet again, and she was pegged for driving 94 over the grapevine. Such a speed precludes automatic traffic school, so I took me a wee trip up the street to Lamont to beg for a pass, "Just this once, sir, your honor, sir."
I must have had a cute top on that day or something; traffic school was approved. And the road trip wasn't a complete waste. More gems like the one below to follow.
Posted by Michela at 11:30 PM | Comments (1)
March 16, 2007
Oh this is just so awesome!
Oh my GOD magnum... what do you say to a guy named Brownback who calls homosexuality immoral?
Like, dude, how'd your family get the name Brownback, anyway?
Posted by Michela at 09:24 AM | Comments (2)
March 09, 2007
Sex, Drugs, Rock n Roll!
So kids, you think it's glamorous to be a rock and roll star; what a lifestyle, right? Well, maybe not so much. Or, shall I say, maybe for just a wee little bit o'time. Yeah yeah, who wouldn't like to have as much tail as they can get their hands on for 20 years; all the sex, drugs, and more sex, drugs you can get.
And I do realize, kids, that to you, life ends at 35. So seein' a 52 year-old man who looks 80-eh? What's the difference, right? But kids, I assure you, this is NOT what you should look like at 52; think Sophia Loren (HOT! And she's like, 90!). Think Demi Moore; not far from 52, kids. Not far at all. This photograph is of one Eddie Van Halen; the hottest rock and roll star for decades, a giant in the world of guitarists, and who is entering rehab for the nth time and really looks like hell, folks. Really.
Posted by Michela at 07:55 AM | Comments (4)
March 05, 2007
Why is anyone surprised?
Why is anyone surprised that the baffoon who sent our poor troops into a senseless war then didn't give a rats ass how they were treated when they came home. Why? Why are any of us surprised? Bush has made a career out of tragedy and heartbreak, why should he ensure wounded soldiers are properly treated and ruin his so-far stellar record. God I scoffed at the Follywood liberals who compared Bush to Hussein himself, but they were right. How the fuck is that possible! They were right!
The trail of Bush tears is long... human being after human being, lives lost, families destroyed. That's the Bush legacy. That's the fool we voted for.
FREE THE TEXAS THREE...just three of the victims of the Bush Department of Homeland Terror...
Posted by Michela at 10:36 PM | Comments (1)
March 03, 2007
It's in the eyes!
Remember runaway Jennifer Wilbanks? Remember the eyes? This guy murdered his wife. Look at those eyes! Ladies and gents, check out the recent pics of your loved one; are the eyes propped widely enough to accommodate full-sized toothpicks? Be on guard...
This is a huge tragedy. Very sad. I wish the world were a nicer place. But protecting ourselves is first and foremost, the world cannot protect us. So, start with the eyes.
Posted by Michela at 02:11 PM | Comments (0)