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June 29, 2006
How to speed up your Emergency Room visit
Thanks to iGanja for this informative report...if you are an avid reader of this blog (and we know you are!), you read my issue about the state of health care in this country. (Click ->here<- to re-read.) MWB also thinks that care is at a critical point in this country, but for all you US citizens who are seeking treatment in the ER but finding long waits (especially in SoCali), iGanja has the solution.
Simply attach this badge to your shirt when you go into the ER. Watch as the throngs in line in front of you suddenly recover from their emergency illnesses!
Posted by Michela at 12:01 PM | Comments (6)
June 28, 2006
This San Diego Native got mo' ammo
I've always told non-San Diegans they don't--and couldn't--understand how special a place that county is.
When our football team went to the Super Bowl for the first time, you could drive down this street near the beach called Newport Avenue and see gang bangers, hippies, jocks, and hot chicks in their cars and walking along the street, high-fiving each other. They were not tipping over trash cans and breaking windows. When the team promptly lost by more points than any other super bowl in history, we didn't care. We didn't boo. We gave those guys a heroes welcome home. After all, they were our first to get to the big game.
When our baseball team went to the World Series for only the second time, and were promptly swept by the Yankees in four, the final game was in San Diego. The fans stayed for over 2 hours waiving their white towels and cheering their losing team as though they'd just won. A national TV sportscaster said, "I've been to a lot of championship games, and I've never seen anything like this for the losing team, home or not!"
Now you gotta read this story and think, shit, San Diego really is a special place. It's a huge city, with a lot of people from all over the country (who wouldnt' want to live in SoCali after all). But it's still very much like a small town; unpretentious and giving. So when you see Michela's eye get that gleam, and those three little words, "Ah, San Diego" start coming out, you'll know why.
And as a newly anointed baseball fan, I can truly say, Go Padres!
Posted by Michela at 06:38 PM | Comments (10)
Note to self...
When playing with a grenade, you might want to wear body armour. Additionally, you might want to avoid playing "Keep Away" using a grenade when playing with six other members of your family.
Seven down, 30 million to go towards world peace...
Posted by Michela at 06:32 PM | Comments (1)
June 27, 2006
We might want Muff's Antiques...
But we sure as hell don't want an Antique Muff!
I bet Muff has a big bushy one, too... eeewwww!
Posted by Michela at 08:00 AM | Comments (0)
June 26, 2006
The way it should be...at least to start
More and more people are able to use nurse practitioners instead of doctors for preliminary care. As everyone begins to demand Rolls Royce health care for go kart prices, this option will make more and more (dollars and) sense.
Doctors have historically made themselves out to be the holders of the golden medical keys, but this self-made medical myth is proving to be as fictional as Prometheus seeing his liver eaten by a crow every day for all eternity. For example, a recent study found that a computer program which was fed the symptoms of typical illnesses diagnosed the illness correctly >90% of the time. Doctors who were handed these same symptoms and then asked what illness the symptoms described got it right just over 50% of the time.
Doctors are people, but they are so far into Egomaniaville that they feel they are impervious to error and everyone else is not. So to continue this philosophy that doctors should be the gatekeepers of all medical treatment is to damn us into emergency room visits for throbbing ear infections that flare up on a Saturday. Creative medical treatments and sources for said care are the cure to the medical care cost crisis.
Posted by Michela at 03:41 PM | Comments (2)
June 23, 2006
How to be a Communist AND a Capitalist Pig--At the same time!
Yes, you too can not only appreciate the oppression of communist regimes (hmm, a few come to mind; Pol Pot, China, Stalin), but also exalt in their glories and promote their oppressive values, all while being a Capitalist Pig. How does one go about such a "progressive"* way of living? It's simple! Go to the Capitalist Pig capital of the world, Nordstrom's department stores, and buy a pair of $150 jeans with the Chinese red star butt label.
It's not only that simple, but such a deal for you little Commie Piggie!
*Liberals loooove to call their ways of thinking "progressive", when in reality, the only thing that "progresses" under such a mentality is the high rate at which bums under the bridge convert to state-supported couch potatoes.
Posted by Michela at 11:00 AM | Comments (2)
June 22, 2006
Get your psychos! Get your psychos over here everyone! Daily psychos!
An MWB affiliate has provided Mistress Michela the transcript of an eConversation which took place between him and a new "friend" on the famous MySpace.com website which, by Michela's estimation, is almost the biggest time-waster on earth; it's second only to government forms which must be filled out in quadruplicate and signed by the blind 75 year-old DMV employee with the title DMV Line Supervisor II-A. Note: In case you don't guess, names changed to protect the MWB liability.:)
Joe: hello
Jane: hi
Joe: hows it going hata'
Jane: ,lol
Jane: hata?
Joe: :-D
Jane: youre corny
Joe: see, there you going hating
Jane: haha well theres so much to hate
Jane: :-)
Joe: lots of things to choose from
Jane: there is
Joe: :-(
Jane: please
Jane: blah
Jane: eMne
Joe: hm?
Jane: men
Joe: women aren't much better honey
Jane: we're all so fucked
Joe: true that's why you should be misinthropic like me
Joe: and hate everyone
Jane: i do
Jane: im too cynical
Joe: welcome to my world
Joe: it gets worse
Joe: my cynism has only matured with age like a fine wine
Jane: ive always been this way
Joe: so have I
Joe: except now i am more so
Joe: i've got like 6 years of cynism on you i believe
Joe: how old are you
Jane: how old do you think
Joe: somewhere between 14 and 50
Joe: am i right?
Joe: i'm psychic
Jane: yeah
Jane: youre good
Jane: ;p
Joe: i could tell by your sign
Jane: my sign?
Joe: i'm just being a jackass
Joe: how old are you really
Jane: 20, almost 21
Joe: congratz
Jane: yeah great
Joe: your a regular ball of sunshine
Joe: :-D
Jane: i never realized how hard it was to find someone to just talk to and connect with, it feels near impossible
Jane: you're
Jane: dumbass
Jane: im surrounded by morons
Jane: *sigh*
Joe: haha
Joe: aren't we all
Jane: right
Joe: people suck
Joe: i've always thought
Joe: that if a more advanced life
Jane: can a relationship be too intense?
Jane: is there such thing?
Joe: came here....and tried to take over, i'd help thme out
Jane: does it make sense?
Joe: it makes sense
Joe: i don't think so
Joe: except it can blind you to the problems
Joe: that are underlying
Jane: can you still love someone if its too intense
Jane: but let it go?
Joe: yep
Joe: just don't see the person
Joe: it fades with time
Jane: i felt so weak when i was with him
Jane: yeah well he lives far
Joe: trick is not to see the person
Joe: or communicate
Jane: i havent spoken to him in 3 weeks
Jane: almost 3
Joe: its a start
Jane: yeah
Jane: its hard
Jane: very hard
Joe: i know
Joe: gotta keep doing it
Jane: i cry every night
Joe: gets easier with time
Jane: its horrible
Jane: ive never loved anyone like i love him
Joe: can't help you with that, i cry about once every year and a half
Jane: and the worst part he makes me feel like he feels nothing
Joe: yah...but you'll say that about the next one
Jane: no
Joe: yes...you don't know what you don't know
Jane: ivedated a lot
Joe: your 20
Jane: yeah i know though
Joe: i've felt the same way before
Jane: i might not marry him
Jane: but i know we have /had something special....rare
Joe: nah
Jane: he just blows my mind
Joe: its cuz of your age
Jane: im mature for my age
Jane: im not like most 20 year olds
Jane: i feel
Joe: its not about maturity
Joe: its about experiences
Jane: ive had a lot of experiences
Jane: ive dated since i was 14
Joe: damn woman
Jane: ive gone thru a lot of hurt
Joe: well
Jane: haha
Joe: there will be a lot more
Jane: i guess
Joe: guarantee
Jane: youre not very good at this thing called a converstation
Jane: you just keep putting my emotions down saying im young
Joe: well, your very good at insulting
Jane: nobody wants to fucking hear that douchebag
Joe: douchebag? wtf!
Jane: you cant even tell the difference between your and youre
Jane: and youre a law major
Jane: youre a fucking joke
Joe: i'm trying to help you out
Jane: fuck off
Joe: wtf
Joe: alright, be a fucking cunt
Jane: cunt?
Jane: block
Joe: i can see why the guy doesn't like you
Jane signed off at 10:24:53 PM.
Posted by Michela at 12:06 PM | Comments (5)
Just another what were you thinking
I know it looks like our roving photojournalist Michela was tilted to the left, say, trying to empty water out of one ear or some such thing, but no, Michela was standing straight up and down. And why a person would purposely tilt their truck at a 20 degree angle to one wheel is truly the mystery of the day.
Posted by Michela at 10:53 AM | Comments (1)
June 21, 2006
Note to self...
When planning a trip to a third world nation where HIV and other STDs are rampant, you might want to pack a condom.
Posted by Michela at 08:00 AM | Comments (1)
June 20, 2006
WTF!
Click here to see all about it
WTF is all I could muster for this one. A hawkeyed MWB affiliate in San Diego passed this one to Marla, and demanded that Michela blog about it. But what can I say! WHAT! It really speaks for itself. I think.
PS: Must have sound to appreciate
Posted by Michela at 06:19 PM | Comments (12)
June 18, 2006
A dream beach wedding in Europe just might be overrated...
Posted by Michela at 02:18 PM | Comments (15)
June 17, 2006
Since I once had a neighbor who saved cockroaches...
...I'm not surprised that there are other grass eaters who want to save lobsters, the edible crustaceous equivalent of the cockroach. This neighbor would find cockroaches in her condominium, put them ina shoe box, and take them oustide and set them free. Then sit down to a nice broiled chicken dinner. I didn't get it then, I don't get it now.
A biology teacher I had held up a dried pea in class and advised us it was on the high-end size of a lobster's brain. Whatever sympathies I held for those little guys went into the lobster pot that very day. Lobsters are primitive creatures, barely more sentient than a flea (if at all), and they taste reeeeallly good. Why Whole Foods would have a problem with the lobster tanks and still serve a host of other slaughtered critters much more deserving of our sympathy than the boiled Red Cockroach is beyond me. Waaay.
Thanks to Hawk-eyed Marla-bee, ever watchful of the efforts to shrink our food choices through misguided efforts, even though she wouldn't touch a lobster or a plate of foie gras to save her hot-bodied life!
Posted by Michela at 08:00 AM | Comments (4)
June 16, 2006
And you thought you were having a bad day...
So, imagine, you've just killed your wife. That could be the start of a bad day. Then you cut her head off, and in the process of taking the head to its hiding place, you crash your car and the head flies out the back; all while a local police officer observes the crash and the head as it goes flying out of the car. How does your day get worse? You just killed two people (a mother and child, no less) in the crash and so you will also be charged with double vehicular homicide, in addition to the plain old homicide of your wife.
The only day that will be worse than yesterday for this guy is the day his pro bono defense attorney tries to find a sympathetic jury.
Posted by Michela at 08:00 AM | Comments (5)
June 14, 2006
Fabulous Quote of the day
Our fabulous quote of the day is from John Ziegler, read at www.JohnZiegler.com:
"The female figure is the greatest known evidence that there might be a God...but the female psyche is an indication that this God has a very sick sense of humor."
MWB couldn't agree more. As a mostly female website, the gals of MWB think most females are beautiful and witty; solid contributors to society. On the other hand, as our JRule points out, they can also be bitchy, haggish, angry, resentful, overly suspicious, nagging, and illogical Beelzebubs. And that's all at the same time! MWB gals agree males fall into four simple categories:
Category One: Hot guys. Definitely fuckable; the type you take home only after 1 a.m. and kick out by 3 a.m. as they are not built for, eh hem, conversation. Must be able to make a sandwich without waking you. Difficult task for Category Ones; they're not so smart, and the best thing they have going for them besides being fuckable is a pulse.
Category Two: Ugly guys. Not fuckable. MWB always prays these guys are super smart, say, like Billy Boy Gates. Otherwise, the best thing they have going for them period is a pulse.
Category Three: Hot guys, not fuckable. They are assholes. Cannot speak in complete sentences. Growl at the television frequently. Have broken several remote controls during the superbowl. These guys like hoochie mamas who wear t-shirts that say "GOT MILK?"
Category Four: Hot guys, fuckable, relationship worthy.
And that's it. See, again, chicks can be, all at once, in all the above categories and 50 more. Within the same day!
Posted by Michela at 12:57 PM | Comments (22)
June 13, 2006
What grape nut ever thought KFC was health food
KFC is being sued because the fat used in their cooking processes isn't "healthy." MWB has got another unhealthy thing for you; being such an idiot you would eat at KFC and then guffaw over the fact that it is not healthy. Any idiot that big is too dumb to live.
Posted by Michela at 09:39 AM | Comments (3)
June 12, 2006
Sympathies are slim pickins on MWB
A family court judge was gunned down in Nevada. Now, gee, folks, what on EARTH would possess someone to gun down a family court judge? Hmmm. I could count the ways but there isn't enough available disk space on the MWB servers to complete such an exercise. But the tip of the iceberg might be
...handing down sweeping (and fucking unfair, I might add) declarations about the several year history between two people from the high horse of a family court pulpit with nary a review of the facts
And the straw on the camel's hump might be
...holding an ex spouse hostage and slave to the whims and irresponsibilities of the other ex, which completely inhibits that person from moving on with their new lives in any meaningful way.
Maybe these are just a few of the reasons a gunman fired upon a family court judge in Nevada.
Posted by Michela at 10:00 AM | Comments (2)
June 08, 2006
Fabulous Quote of the day
From my friend JRule, regarding finding the right woman:
"You want to stay positive, efficient, warm, high confidence, hopeful."
But...
"It's like trying to remain pure of heart while dueling beelzebub."
Beelzebub indeed! When I hear of the hags my poor guy friends are forced to choose between, Beelzebub, Ice Queen, Anger Hangar, I just don't know what to say. But let me give it a shot...
MARLA AND MICHELA ARE THE CATCHES OF THE CENTURY!!!!
Posted by Michela at 11:18 AM | Comments (11)
Fat livers lead to fat heads
This article describes the push to ban foie gras (as the article notes, French for "fat liver"). The ducks are fed through tubes in large quantities so that their livers enlarge. MWB is opposed to this practice. All the way. But we're opposed to 99.9% of the practices utilized in the animals-as-food production industry, and like one of the interviewees in this story notes, where does it end?
I'd like people to stop kosher methods of food slaughter, fur coats, caged chickens, and god only knows what else that goes on behind the closed doors of said food production. But an MWB opinion does not earn our right to mandate that opinion via legislation. Fuh thuh luv 'a gawd, if our opinion translated into reality, here's a sample of how the world would look:
- Japanese cars would not be allowed in the left lane (super-cool Infinity SUVs allowed)
- Marijuana use and abuse would be legal, mandatory, even, for the most annoying US Citizens (should we start with Ann Coulter or Hillbilly Clinton?)
- Fat people would not be allowed to buy low-rise jeans
- Writing checks at the grocery store would be a death penalty offense
Any single group, entity, think tank, whatever, shouldn't be able to legislate our lives because god knows what would happen. Now I realize the world changes described by MWB are quite enticing, but some might find them a bit extreme, just as it is extreme to legislate a single food item because a handful of activists don't like the method.
Whether it's by suing the hell out of McDonald's for "making" people fat (as though that company had a tube down the fattie's necks like the ducks) or by illegalizing foie gras, the imposition of left-wing or right-wing beliefs is a dangerous, moss-covered slope and we're screamin' down it more all the time.
Posted by Michela at 08:00 AM | Comments (5)
June 07, 2006
Another multiple offender destroys lives
Police have arrested a man believed to have murdered the Civil Engineering student at Clemson University. The headline says it all:
"The suspect...had an extensive sexual criminal record that dates back nearly two decades."
His registered sex offenses include kidnapping and sexual battery with a weapon or force. How many offenses are unregistered because he was never caught for them? Countless more, no doubt.
Goddamnit! When are we going to keep these creatures locked up where they belong so they can no longer slaughter innocent human beings while they sleep in their beds?
Imagine being the mother and father of this unbelievable woman, and having to live day in and day out for the rest of your life knowing her horrifc final moments at the hands a repeat sexual offender with a history of violence spanning 20 years. Imagine the rage you'd feel....
Tiffany Marie Soeurs
1986 - 2006
Posted by Michela at 08:00 AM | Comments (4)
June 06, 2006
More Fabulous Florida Fun
Thanks to Marla for these hillarious hijax...there are just so many ways to mock Floridians when they get a bit mischievous. This story is about two wacky Florida college kids who crawl into a giant balloon filled with helium, and promptly die. MWB will bet a million bucks there was no warning label on the killer balloon, but we suspect they were already too stoned (or stupid) to have understood such a warning label.
Regardless, there were certainly a few signs these double-digit IQ drips missed, warning label or not.
Hint #1
The balloon was really, really big, and yet it still managed to float mysteriously off the ground by several feet. Note to selves: big balloons that float off the ground are probably not filled with oxygen.
Hint #2
Presuming the double digit drips cued in on Hint #1 in the slightest way, then they noticed the really big balloon wasn't filled with oxygen. Note to selves: humans breathe oxygen, not helium. Therefore, being completely surrounded by a gas that is not oxygen, and having no access to said oxygen to breathe, well, that just might be a recipe for your death.
Hint #3
If you want to attend college in Florida, you're ill-equipped to be judging how much helium you can inhale and survive, so just skip it altogether. Not even the little bitty balloons tied to the happy birthday cards, k?
Posted by Michela at 03:28 PM | Comments (2)
June 05, 2006
Fabulous Quote of the Day
Thanks to Maddox Man for this one...hawk-eyed MWB-er Michela spotted this fab frase in Maddox's email signature.
"The person who cannot find time for exercise must find time for illness." - Joe Loprinzi
As it turns out, Joe Loprinzi is quite a character. He has been a weightlifter since the 1930's, started one of the first weight-lifting classes for women, and a "jogging" club which was first mocked in the 1960's. Michela has a real problem with the word jogging...it sounds like an activity those chicks who lean heavily on their arms on the treadmill while they read cosmo, and burn 50 calories in a 50 minute workout. But this is the 1960's and it was revolutionary. Go Joe!
Posted by Michela at 06:00 PM | Comments (0)