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March 31, 2006
Breaking MWB news! OJ is tracking down Osama!
Once again, Frenchie edifies MWB by bringing us the news that OJ Simpson is tracking down the "real killer", Osama. Or maybe it's the Democrats...they're gonna find him for sure, since all the military minds on the task today are obviously inferior to the Afghanistani cave sleuths in the Democratic party. MWB personally feels much safer. Thanks for the news, Frenchie. No more diving for the white flags in the gym, k?
Posted by Michela at 08:00 AM | Comments (2)
March 30, 2006
That'll teach that bitch!
That's right Frenchie; next time you get so ticked off at your wife you feel like you've got steam coming out of your ears, maybe it's because you DO! You've gone and set yo bad self on fire to teach her a lesson! Now, I wonder if one could get someone to skip the 3rd degree burn ward, and just have them to swallow cyanide. Not that I have anyone in mind that would want to spite me...but if there was such a person, I'd like a cleaner, more effective self-whacking method.
Posted by Michela at 08:00 AM | Comments (4)
March 29, 2006
Now THAT'S ingenuity
From the fresh archives of the roving photojournalist staff at MWB, we have a picture of a car. Not just any car. A car that has had its rear end taken out (no snappy sex jokes, Michela). Now why would anyone go and pay for a crapload of expensive body work when you can repair it yourself with $2 worth of bolts from Home Depot? Not only does it look pretty good, it's a very secure solution. Next time the body shop quotes me $2,000 for a bumper because some bolts broke off, I'm gonna show them THIS:
Posted by Michela at 01:13 PM | Comments (3)
March 28, 2006
All MWB hats are off...
The FoxNews headlines are "Riots Rock Paris"; and on CNN, "Massive Protest in France" with a subheading describing the tear gas and water cannons required to keep the crowds in line.
Contrast this with the 500,000 people who led a peaceful demonstration against illegal immigration reform in Los Angeles. I am totally opposed to illegal immigration; I couldn't diagree with these demonstrators more. And frankly, I was pissed off because I was caught in the snarl of traffic created by the demonstrators as they waived at cars on the 101. Fortunately, I had a very pleasant riding companion (mon cher David).
HOWEVER, it was peaceful. 500,000 people in Los Angeles lined a very busy freeway, and very busy streets, rallying against a very controversial and divisive issue, as is their right to do so. This is an issue that strikes people at their cores; most are probably here due to illegal immigration (if not this generation, the last one). And still, it was peaceful. Those 500,000 demonstrators were more behaved than 5,000 Lakers fans after a World Championship (win or lose).
MWB hats (and Michela has many) are off!
Posted by Michela at 12:16 PM | Comments (2)
March 24, 2006
The sub-humans evolution left behind
Thease are two very depressing stories which show what some "people" (by scientific, physical classification only) are capabale of. Fortunately the endings are happy...
In story #1, two banjo playing inbred parents from god knows what part of the Appalachians order their three year old daughter to beat up a five year old boy they are babysitting. You read that right; they order a 3 year-old girl to beat a 5 year-old boy (as he pleads for mercy, mind you). Then, the sperm donor of the girl shoves the poor little boy and asks him why he didn't defend himself. WTF?! But the best part? They videotaped the whole ordeal, the boy's mother found the video, and both of these inbreds will be properly prosecuted.
In story #2, a man jumps off a bridge into frigid waters with his baby to kill himself and the child, presumably to get back at the child's mother for some unknown reason. But hoorah, the "man" (again, by scientific physcial classification only; no real man would ever do this) dies and the baby lives. If there's a hell, this guy is dangling from the end of a red-hot pitchfork right now, by my estimate.
Posted by Michela at 03:09 PM | Comments (2)
March 23, 2006
More valuable time-wasters...
Thanks again Frenchie...who knew there were people out there experimenting with mail ripping. But thank god they are, otherwise, we'd have no idea how easy it is to paste one inch squares back together. We didn't figure that out in kindergarten you know.
Posted by Michela at 06:56 PM | Comments (0)
Whackadoo quote of the day--those damn frogs again
Since the frogs can't make anything worth a damn on their own, they have to steal the ideas and technology from American innovators. I hope Apple gives Frawnce the biggest Shaquile O'Neil middle finger they can find. Fuck the frogs; they can listen to their cassette players if they don't like it! I have a few in a drawer I could send their way...
To justify the proposterous idea that allowing competitors to have access to a technology paid for, developed, and refined by an absolutely fabulous company for free, the "Culture Minister" and some other communist dumbass come up with this laughable statement:
“When this [this being the theft of Apple's technology] happens, iTunes will have the French government to thank for making it possible to draw so many Internet users toward legal platforms."
Yah, we'll have the French to thank for eliminating the concept of patents, research and development, and competitive market forces. What that will leave us with is cassette players, dixie cups, and really bad French cars. And we WILL have the French to "thank."
Posted by Michela at 01:47 PM | Comments (7)
March 22, 2006
Brett Affleck is free at last!!
Brettsky has illuminated MWB to the fact that he is now liberated in my family's home country, he's now practically an Irish paisan...Not only can Brettsky and his people wander the streets of Dublin with chainmail t-shirts, but he can also now carry a sword. Further, he can defend himself against Muslim attackers, and repair the exterior of his synagogue. With such oppression of his people by my people hanging heavily over his head since 1181, I don't know how he and I ever became such good friends.
Posted by Michela at 08:00 AM | Comments (7)
March 21, 2006
Trying to get someone to help at Dell? Fat chance in Hell!
I don't care what anyone says; customer service proffered via India sucks. It sucks eggs. So with Dell creating 10,000 jobs in India primarily for customer service tasks, buy a Gateway. Dell's customer service sucks already; but when you have to talk to Seshi Patel to get him to understand your blue screen of death, well, good freekin' luck.
Posted by Michela at 05:55 PM | Comments (0)
March 20, 2006
The worst Sopranos ever
And that's no small statement, in 5.2 seasons, there've been some bad ones. But last night, argh, the show's second for the season, was so terrible I almost left early. I think it didn't even run 50 whole minutes, but it seemed like 80. This season is so full of heavy handed foreshadowing, it makes Danielle Steele's "...she was so happy seeing burning candles on the slighly brown Christmas tree...then the house burnded down and her entire family was cooked alive!" seem like a hidden plot twist. Right after Christopher talks to the old FBI guys about terrorism, he runs into "Ahkmed" at the bar? Gimme a break. And those dream sequences...OMG, excruciating!
And I read a review calling this season brilliant! Who are these people!
Posted by Michela at 02:21 PM | Comments (5)
March 19, 2006
It was the Ambien baby! I swear!
Thanks again Frenchie; we didn't know we could use the Ambien excuse for our late night eating, and maybe all the other six deadly sins. But with this one in our back pocket, what happens in Vegas can happen anywhere. The only prudent thing to do is to make sure your parter in seven sins is equally obliterated. Then, the sins die with the Ambien hangover. Vegas babaaaay!
Posted by Michela at 08:00 AM
March 17, 2006
Big Congrats to Maddox and Mrs. Maddox
My two favorite people in the whole world have just had a baby girl, Chloe. I love you guys!
Posted by Michela at 03:54 PM | Comments (3)
March 10, 2006
The American Pluck
Just the other day we were talking about the American billionaire. Here's the list of the top 10 billionaires.
Well, interestingly but not surprisingly, our little spot in the world has 3 in the top 10, and we take the top 2 spots. We're only 275 million people to India's billion, China's billion, and a combined population in Western Europe of 730 million. That huge population produces just 2.
But even more interestingly, all the American billionaires are self-made. Only 2 others are self-made (a statement I make based on the fact that I don't believe for one second Prince Alaweed from Saudi Arabia is "self-made"...puh-leeeeze).
I dunno how people can continue to blast the States when it's clear if you want to succeed, do something really important, you come to or are born in the States (ever heard of Sun Microsystems, Germany?). Otherwise, you better pick a rich royal or elite class set of parents before you're born.
Posted by Michela at 01:53 PM | Comments (2)
Software developers UNITE
Thanks Chad, only a programmer will laugh as hard as I did. Brilliant!
My personal fave and an Indian developer's mantra?
"Unfactoring from Patterns: Job Security through Unreadability by Joshua Kerievsky"
Oh, and this one is pretty good too....
"Dead Fish Can't Swim But They Can Float Down a Waterfall, by Tim Lister"
Posted by Michela at 01:44 PM | Comments (4)
March 09, 2006
Track all your dollar bills, stripper girls!
Strippers will find this tool particularly useful; you can track where all your dollar bills have been before they landed on your girl parts inside your panties. While I -was- just in Seattle, change I got yesterday here in THE OC had just been issued in Roy, Washington. It took 14 days to arrive in THE OC. Why on earth would I want to know? BECAUSE I CAN! I love the internet. The biggest productivity increases (online mapping, research) and time-wasters (tracking where your dollar bills have been, blogging) all in one place.
God bless the internet!
Posted by Michela at 01:01 PM | Comments (3)
March 08, 2006
Can you spell "F-U-C-K O-F-F"? MWB Can
Thank you Frenchie. We had no idea our enemies were such busy-bodies. And John Cleese may have been a major player in the funniest thing ever put to film or stage (Monty Python), but being a comedian doesn't take brains. Just ask the slew of them who have died in massive overdoses of cocaine and food. Not a braniac way to go. So Senior Cleese, here are MWB responses to your Declaration of Revocation.
1: British people either sound like they have their heads up the Queen's ass or completely illiterate. Why on earth would anyone want to pronounce words the way they do. So fuck off.
2: When you get your heads out of your queen's ass (see #1), you'll realize (yes, it's realizzzze, -not- realisssse) there IS such a thing as American spelling. You're just jealous the top billionaires (like the guy who runs Microsoft) are American. So fuck off.
3: Why bother? See #2; we own this world. So fuck off.
4: See #3.
5: Why would we sing to a lady who has an entire population up her ass? (See #1). So FUCK OFF!
6: As part of the result of #3, we play whatever the fuck we want. SO FUCK OFF.
7: Besides our brains, how is it you think we own this world? With our guns pointed at your stuck up faces which are up your queen's ass. Any questions before you fuck off?
8: What the hell are you talking about?
9: Can you spell "V-I-P-E-R"? Can you spell "C-O-R-V-E-T-T-E"? Has anyone ever heard of a goddamn Citron? NO? Who owns your sorry ass car companies? The Krauts?!
10: We can call them what we want. See #3.
11: Are you smoking that bad Spanish weed again? Get yourself some American ganja, go read iganja.com, and clear your thinking up.
12: Are you jealous again? We make and sell more beer than drunken English could drink in a century.
13: I repeat, see #3. We own this world, we conquer oil-bearing territories. We pay less, you pay more. See? It's simple. so FUCK OFF!
14: Stop moving while I take a shot at you.
15: That's because you are obsessive compulsive, anal-retentive whackjobs. Let it go already, or fuck off.
16: Why, so our economy can suck as much as yours? Or is it so we can get equally bad dental care? I don’t know if you've noticed, but most Americans have all their teeth, and they're straight. You really should get a tax refund just for all your botched dental work alone. SO FUCK OFF!
Posted by Michela at 11:56 AM | Comments (12)
March 07, 2006
"Hell, even the termites had enough sense to evacuate!"
Marla gives us the Fabulous Quote of the Day...and she's spot on too! The termites had enough sense (and brains) to go to higher ground on Katrina contact. But not those looters! Not those dumb asses at the convention center! But dem termites, hoooo dawggie, not only did they survive, they're done BACK, and a fortnight sooner than mosta dem hu-mans, too!
Uh, the termites were so smart, I'm a little scared, maybe....
Posted by Michela at 08:18 PM | Comments (5)