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February 28, 2006
"I'm a loser and I can prove it!"
Welcome to the new MWB category, the photographs of the Roving Photojournalist. Our first winner? This fucking loser who put TUKUL4U on his license plate. Seen at an LA Fitness gym near you...he's the guy with no neck, steroid bumps on his overly bulging biceps, and who's grunting at the hot smoothie chick for a protein-infused slushie (add extra raw eggs...rr rr ah ah )at the smoothie bar.
The coup de gras? His tags are expired! How much of a loser do you have to be to have expired tags on a HONDA! It costs what, 12 cents to register those rice mobiles?
Posted by Michela at 11:08 AM | Comments (9)
February 23, 2006
Go lick a toilet seat
After all, it's cleaner than where you put your mouth on a typical day (nooOOOO, I'm not talking about THAT you dirty-minded little bastards). We're talking about your office telephone. So next time you see Michela vigorously dousing her phones with alcohol, your snide comments will glide right off her bacteria free ear lobes. Yours, on the other hand, Mr. Fruity, are a teeming pool of disgusting germs and don't even think you'll ever use my phone ever again! And while you're at it, keep your mits off my keyboard, too.
Posted by Michela at 03:23 PM | Comments (8)
"The ruby slippers of our time..."
Thanks for the, eh-hem, gem, Marla...
So you all thought the homosexual references to Judy Garland were just stereotypes, overblown (another eh-hem), and deprecating. Welllll, think again. The cowboy shirts used in Brokeback Mountain are fetching a whoppin' 100 grand at an auction, and the purchaser justifies it with the comment that they are "the ruby slippers of our time."
You go on wich yo' bad self boyfriend! So long as you know that wearing the ruby slippers and the cowboy shirt together would be a fashion faux pas from which even fellow flaming fashionista Karl Lagerfeld wouldn't recover in five flaming lifetimes.
Posted by Michela at 09:54 AM | Comments (5)
February 22, 2006
It's Salem, Massachusetts, 1692. Or is it...
...cartoon protesters in 2006? If there were cameras during the witch hunts of 1692, we might have seen an image something like this...
except instead of white sheeted heads reminiscent of that tolerant organization, the klu klux klan, we would see the marchers wearing these...
Other than the headgear, I see no difference between the unthinking freak show religious zealots and their paranoia over witches and cartoons. Oh, yeah, there is the small matter that the puritan zealots lived a short 300 YEARS ago! Why leftists don't mock them the way they mock Christians just boggles my feeble little mind (you know, the same one who didn't catch the sunset shot of the sailboats...)
Posted by Michela at 10:37 AM | Comments (0)
The geeks' anthem
This might be the funniest thing since Learn to Dance like a White Man.
And yes, David sent me this. I meant to credit at posting but I forgot. I am at work (that's what they tell me this nice place wehre I surf the net and read emails is).
Posted by Michela at 10:21 AM | Comments (2)
February 21, 2006
Random Rant Vol Whatever
I have only one question regarding the ports being sold to a United Arab Emirates-owned corporation:
WTF IS BUSH THINKING?
Posted by Michela at 04:01 PM | Comments (1)
February 18, 2006
The headlines that haunt dem Kennedys
Frenchie brings us a good one...but you'll have to pardon the pun... dem (as in them) and dem (as in severely and democratically impaired) Kennedys can't escape their dark pasts, and does make laughably the criticism of Cheney when compared to another famous politico's fiascos (or as Dan Quayle woulda corrected me; 'fiascoes').
Posted by Michela at 10:59 AM | Comments (0)
February 16, 2006
Tssssssssssssssss...HOT!
The Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue is O-U-T and it is H-O-T, of course. All I wanna know is from where these freak o' nature chicks get these bods. These are real women...those stick figure, cigarrette-fed runway are not real women. They're starved drones. But these SI swimsuit models, aye yay yay. Yaow!
Posted by Michela at 05:26 PM | Comments (9)
February 15, 2006
God bless the SoCali Sun
What a beeeyoooteeefulllll day in SoCali. You can thank my dive buddies in San Diego for this fantabulous shot, taken recently on an early morning dive near La Jolla. Without argument, LJ is one of the most beautiful places on this earth with some of the best restaurants I've eaten at on this planet (yes, that's you George's at the Cove and Trattoria Acqua).
Posted by Michela at 09:55 PM | Comments (7)
February 13, 2006
Did the Anaheim PD go to the Acme School of Traffic Management?
The traffic control for Mighty Ducks hockey games, as administered by the Anaheim Police Department, is just about the least efficient cluster fuck you have ever seen this side of Boston's Big Dig. The design is the embodiment of they-couldn't-make-it-worse-if-they-tried. But then again, what would you expect from city government employees. And oy vay, I should be careful not to utter such words, as the Anaheim PD Traffic Management Supervisor II (just a guess at the title of the lowly clerk who implemented this scheme) might take them as fightin' words.
The diabolical Traffic Management Supervisor II wrings his hands in his dusty cubicle in the sub-basement records storage area.
"I know! Instead of blocking all lanes in one direction, I'll block them all! Hahahahaaaaaa! That'll show those meddling redheads just who they're messing with! Hahahaha!"
With the pound of the spinning date rubber stamp on the Canary=Bureaucratic Paperwork Bin and a scrawl of the illegible supervisor signature on the White=Bureaucratic File Cabinet, his terrible scheme was put into motion. While his cackle could be heard for miles, everyone thought it was just a crow in the final throes of West Nile Virus. Little did Mighty Ducks fans know the traffic nightmare that was lying in store for them in the next home game...
Posted by Michela at 11:49 AM | Comments (6)
February 12, 2006
No Kwan Do
Michelle Kwan woke up yesterday and realized she is almost 26 years old, and therefore she rightly left the Olympic figure skating competition to the youth of today. It's just a fact; Olympic caliber figure skating, especially at today's level of technical requirement, is simply too physically challenging for those entering their late 20's; even the guys start to sputter. Don't bother trying to tell me how old the last winner was in the Hawaiian Ironman. This is a completely different sport. Look at gymnastics; you may as well be dead if you're 18.
It's just too bad she stole the chance for one of those youths to walk the Olympic opening ceremonies (Emily Hughes), in what will likely be her one and only Olympic games. Oh the irony that it was probably this walk that rendered Kwan unable to compete!
Posted by Michela at 12:00 PM | Comments (0)
February 09, 2006
Them Danes Do got Sack!
It turns out the controversy over the Muhommad cartoons (it's funny even to write such a statement) was generated by mullahs who passed out literature with over-the-top cartoons which were never even publised in the Danish news! Further, the Danish media is the only media standing up to those mullahs who have lied to stir this controversy, anger, and hatred as a method of brainwashing the muslim masses into homicide bombings. They are openly calling them liars, while the American and other European media outlets are tripping overthemselves to kiss their asses, and say Vichy-France things like "it was inflammatory after all..."
It's sickening, truly, that anyone would defend them just because there are billions of Christians in this world and they are not all saints. Duh, man, duh! But they still don't go around blowing people up by the thousands. The Eric Rudolph-types are the tiniest fraction compared to the throngs of violent muslims waiting to line up to kill us all, just for being Westerners. But I digress...
During discussions on this breaking news story this morning on KFI AM 640, the Jewish talk-show host, whose father escaped Nazi Poland by the hair on his chinny chin chin, described what happened in Denmark when the Germans invaded:
"The Germans made the same proclamation in Denmark as they had every other country they invaded. All jews had to wear the yellow Star of David to be identified as jews. The day the proclamation went into effect, all Danes wore the yellow star. Even the King and Queen of Denmark went out for the day with yellow stars sewn onto their clothing, and declared, 'Indeed, we are all Jewish.' The net effect was that the Danes saved nearly all their jews, unlike any other country in Europe."
I have an unbelievable newfound respect for the Danish people. I had no idea!
Posted by Michela at 08:00 PM | Comments (1)
Bacon, anyone?
Unless you're trying to avoid the Santa Monica Squeeze (which, regardless of diet, can be done easily by purchasing a properly fitting dress, as Fruity points out), it looks like you can go mangia bene on all the bacon you can shove past your chewing cuds. Alas, fitness has more to do with a lifestyle than a foodstyle. Thank gawd.
Posted by Michela at 03:59 PM | Comments (3)
February 08, 2006
No dramarama goes on here
As much as this site should _the_ epitome of free speech, it's still my site. Anyone and everyone who knows me knows I'm not a drama queen, I hate drama, and having possibly learned the source and extent of yesterday's/today's comments, I've deleted all of it. I'll have none o' that sheet on MY site. End of story. You want more pure free speech? Go to www.rotten.com. Especially since freedom of speech doesn't include personal attacks, and again, I own this here slice of cyberspace. So there. Don't bother posting anymore bullshit anyone, I'll delete you, ban you, and delete you again and nobdoy will ever see your tiresome rants.
Posted by Michela at 02:16 PM | Comments (5)
I want one!
A robot baby dinosaur made by the Furby guys?! I must have one! I will be first on the list!
Posted by Michela at 10:00 AM | Comments (2)
February 07, 2006
Yah, some hero[ine]
A so-called revolutionary woman dies, and these are the best things people have to say about her upon her death. Says Friedan's son Jonathan:
"Betty was not the perfect mother..."
Nice.
But he was okay with her rotten mothering when thousands cheered her at a rally. Hitler could sure work a crowd, so could Stalin. Soooo having people cheer for you at a rally is not exactly a life accomplishment to boast about, unless being an infamous dictator was your goal. Especially when you preface such an achievement with the fact that said person was a rotten mother.
Then there's the quip from her daughter:
"She made so many connections and yet was exquisitely lonely...Maybe the ultimate contradiction was that Betty just didn't fit into this world. That was her curse, and yet she started a revolution."
There just aren't many accomplishments great enough to make me willing to sacrifice my life and children such that the pathetic statements above are the best someone could say about me when I die. No matter what revolution she started, she was a pitable human being, and the reason she wrote a "feminist manifesto" is because she was miserable. And she wasn't miserable because the "patriarchy" was holding her down. Just like angry feminists who follow her today, with the glass ceiling shattered and the bras lying in ashes, they're miserable because they are just miserable people. And even if they ruled the world with all men at their feet they'd be miserable.
Posted by Michela at 01:00 PM | Comments (1)
February 06, 2006
Poop is is disgusting AND sickening...
I wanna know why a "university biologist" (a euphemism for a welfare recipient by way of tax-funded reasearch dollars) had to perform a study to find that human poop will kill plants. And that may it ain't such a good idea to use human poop to green up the 18th hole of your favorite golf course. I mean seriously people, you needed a damn study for that? Eew!
Posted by Michela at 10:16 AM | Comments (1)
Santa Monica Squeeze
Took a trip to Santa Monica for a burger, but what we got was a Pillsbury Dough Girl. Jerl, Brett, et al tell me this is a muffin top. Could be, but would you eat it? I sure as hell wouldn't...
And can someone tell me what's with the hair, and the coat that could attack?
Posted by Michela at 09:21 AM | Comments (5)
February 03, 2006
"This is f-ing priceless"
To quote one of my favorite lines from the Sopranos (it's a scene where Janice, forced into anger management classes when she beats the crap out of a soccer mom, starts a fight with a black lady in the same class and a brown-clad UPS guy also in the class says "This is fucking priceless." The scene, alas, is truly priceless as well).
The Frogs and Krauts with their newly-found balls have triggered worldwide protests, threats of kidnappings, and no doubt violence, all because they printed that silly cartoon of Muhommad. I LOVE it. It shows those degenerate, dark-age monsters for what they are. So locked in the insanity of their own religion they're willing to destroy real human beings for decidedly small infractions against the same said religion. Do those muslim boobs have any brains at all or are they just really just little coyotes wandering around in packs killing every other little mammal for the slightest pinky claw step into their wild territories? If they're not, they should fucking stop acting like they are.
Posted by Michela at 08:00 AM | Comments (3)
February 02, 2006
Most Accident-Prone Millionaire...
I really hate movie stars, this site has a Movie Star Pig Fucker category after all. Unless a star hits that category, I could care less about them. They're communists, stupid, self-righteous, and uninteresting parrots with nothing new to say about anything.
But I couldn't help myself here. Lindsay Lohan, one of the ugliest It-Girls ever, has been in another accident. In fact, she's been in a lot of accidents. This time, she "slipped" down the stairs of fellow nobody Bryan Adams (anyone remember who that is?!) and sliced herself with a teacup, of all things. I say slice, cnn.com says "cut." If you have to go to a hospital for treatment rather than peel open a bandaid, you're sliced. She's also been in two car accidents where she's the driver. I realize she may be passing drug/alcohol tests at the time, but every good drunkard knows that mental impairment can last long after the BAC dwindles, depending on the bender. I shall wait for the "rehab" headlines as undoubtedly, she's headed there. She's got bucks to buy all the substances she could possible swallow, and so she's got three options: Get some treatment, join Michael Jackson in the Bahrain insane assylum, or join Chris Farley et al six feet under.
Posted by Michela at 06:00 PM | Comments (5)
Did the EuroTrash Union Grow some Cajones?
French and German newspapers have published cariacatures of Muhammad to the disgust of the Muslim world. Their tag lines stated that "democratic freedoms include the right to blasphemy." MWB couldn't agree more but wow. From the fagola French and krazy Krauts, who'd a thunk it.
Posted by Michela at 05:00 PM | Comments (2)
February 01, 2006
Could MWB's faith in humanity be restored?
Well, probably not. But if you have a few minutes to spare, this is such a heartwarming story. The synopsis is that a woman saw a little girl alone in a convenience store who looked haunted, scared, something; the woman's instincts told her something was wrong. She took the license plate of of the creepy dude who drove the girl away, called 911, then local authorities, and even America's Most Wanted. When they did nothing, she drove 300 miles back to the convenience store a week later and begged them to let her watch the surveillance tape from the day she saw the girl. While watching the tape, a local cop walks in, he's pursuaded to look into it further, and voila, the girl was not supposed to be with the cretins who were keeping her, the creepy dude was a convicted child molester and they were molesting her, and the child has been saved.
I love this story, and I have to keep the dark reality cloud away that this poor child has been saved for the moment but most certainly has a real tough life ahead of her. The next invention should be the ability to wipe out horrifying childhood memories, I tell ya'.
And while we're at it, when the FUCK are we going to learn these godforsaken monsters do not rehabilitate. To stop this cycle of evil against children, they should just be thrown into one big pit of 50 with enough food to feed 40. That'd take care of them, and society.
Posted by Michela at 08:00 AM