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July 26, 2005
Random Rants, Vol. III
- What century is this? What millennium? Who are these people who still write checks at the grocery store?
- "Compact Car" parking spaces always far outnumber the normal spots. Hullo parking lot builders; my 3 series BMW doesn't fit in those damn things and the average car is a helluva lot bigger. Take out 2 spots per row, make the GD spots bigger, and ultimately, you'll create more parking because those Tahoes, trucks, Sequoias et al that must take up 2 spots will only take up one. Net net gain. Idiots!
- Forwarding emails...my friends, delete my email address before you forward my email to 5,000 of your closest eFriends. The last thing I need is to get on some spam list. And when you send your idiotic garbage to me ("This was sent by angels! Forward to 7 people in 5 seconds and watch the miracle!") put me on your BCC list for the same reason. Better yet, leave me off altogether.
Posted by Michela at 03:43 PM | Comments (5)
Who gives a merde about turd?
It's utterly amusing that anyone would care that a Doonesbury comic strip used the word turd.
I hear worse than that in the doorway into church...
"Damn! I forgot my bible."
I hear worse than that picking my niece up from preschool...
"You fart head! That's MINE!"
I hear worse than that in presidential proclamations....
"I did not have sexual relations with that woman."
On any day of the week, I'd rather explain to a 5 year-old what "turd" is over "oral sex." Forget that, they use the word already. And, unfortunately, tweens now know what "oral sex" is, and use that already, too. Thanks Billy Blowjob!
Posted by Michela at 12:50 PM | Comments (2)
July 21, 2005
MWB Picks: John Howard, PM of Australia
Not only does he look like he was a babe in his prime youth, this Prime Minister calls it as he sees it and doesn't doublespeak like a typical pansy, vote whoring politician.
Some highlights:
"I remind you that terrorist attacks occurred before Iraq was on the radar screen, and those people who argue that this is really because of Iraq simply ignore those facts."
Mr. Howard said the motivation was the same as that which prompted the October 2002 bombing of a nightclub in Bali, where 202 people died, including 88 Australians, which was before the March 2003 US-led invasion of Iraq.
Here's a guy with Cajones. He's telling it like it is. 9/11 was before Iraq. Bali was before Iraq. The USS COLE was before Iraq. What I'm having trouble finding in the mamby pamby liberal media are his comments that the attacks are, purely, plainly, simply, due to the extremists' hatred of our free, non-Muslim way of life. He pointed out that Bin Laden's first condemnations of the nation of Australia were after Australia liberated East Timor from the hellish grip of those Muslim nazis.
"Should Australia not have done that?" he says.
Unfortunately, Prime Minister Howard, the pink ladies of the leftwing no-war-no-matter-what-pig-is-pulling-your-fingernails-off-one-by-one crowd would say, that's right, Prime Minister Howard, you should not have done that. Knowing a bit about the slaughters of East Timor, I doubt its residents feel the way the pink ladies feel.
The pinko feminazi crowd signed a statement to Bush about not doing anything about the Taliban, and its oppression of women (never mind Billy Blowjob Clinton didn't do anything about them for 8 years, allowing terrorists to truly organize to the degree they are today). Then, when we did take out the Taliban, they signed something saying NO WAR. You can't win with the alfalfa snorting pink ladies; you just can't win.
Posted by Michela at 04:05 PM | Comments (0)
July 19, 2005
MWB Called this one!
In-depth analysis on why the politicians' crackdown on over the counter crack (you know the one, cold medicine like Tylenol PM) are ridiculous, knee-jerk (fitting; they're created by jerks) reactions do nothing to help the crystal methamphetemine problem and everything to do with hindering the average person's rights.
Posted by Michela at 11:48 AM
July 18, 2005
Leave it to Los Angles to screw up Tutankhamun
I went to see the Tutankhamun exhibit at the Los Angeles County Museum of Art, and if any place on earth has worse crowd management than Paris, it is Los Angeles. Here you have 130 unbelievably stunning artifacts from antiquity, and the way they laid them out was as you walked through the various rooms, the artifacts were on two sides of the room. So after you saw the Shabti statuette on this side, you had to battle your way to the scarab necklace on that side.
Further, they placed the placards which told you what was what on only one side of the display case; that meant you had to also battle your way to the front of the display case to read what the item was and what its significance was to King Tut. I gave up after two hours of battling haggy old women ("Look Marvin, do you think that glass is thick enough? You know the Michaelangelo statue was destroyed by letting people get too close. Marvin? Do you think it's thick enough? MARVIN?") and snotty children, I finally resigned to read them upside down.
Note to selves, LACMA, you could have sold 3x the tickets if you had properly managed the flow of people. But what do you expect from a city that designed and defends traffic flow on Santa Monica Blvd. Angelinos, you know what I'm talkin' bout!
Posted by Michela at 12:27 PM
July 14, 2005
Much better to die by 35
The fruit loops are out to scare us to death yet again; a democrat has sounded a "the chemicals are killing us! the chemicals are killing us!" alarm bell. They are citing the presence of flame retardants and plastics in umbilical cords as evidence of our poisoning.
The final word by Ms. Slaughter, a Democrat (quelle surprise) after having her own blood tested for the presence of chemicals:
"I have auto exhaust fumes, flame retardant chemicals, and in all, some 271 harmful substances pulsing through my veins. That's hardly the picture of health I had hoped for, but I've been living in an industrial society for over 70 years."
I have big news for Ms. Slaughter; if she hadn't lived in an industrial society for 70 years, she would have lived to about 35. Maybe 40. Why doesn't Ms. Slaughter travel to Iberia, Nigeria, or other non-industrialized societies for a peak at what it's like not to have clean bottles for her babies, or flame resistant housing and bedding.
Or let's send her back in time to see what it was like 200 years ago, without flame retardant and clean baby bottles. She likely would not have survived even ONE year, never mind 70 of them. At least then she'd be dead before she could open her big fat uneducated idiotic mouth and cause everyone who is now living to RECORD LEVELS OF LONGEVITY to pass laws to restrict the creation of clean baby bottles and flame resistant homes and threaten our lives, just as the eradication of asbestos is an undisputed cause of hundreds of deaths in the WTC second tower.
Let's slaughter Slaughter before she slaughters US!
Posted by Michela at 11:06 AM
Talk about terrifying
When an unknown human container* can walk up to you and just blow your head off, or murder you, your boyfriend, and your son so he can rape your daughter, the world just doesn't seem like a place fit for real human beings to habitate.
*The MWB definition of murderers who so lack a soul or consicience they cannot possibly be human beings as we define them.
Posted by Michela at 11:00 AM
July 13, 2005
Warn the very dumbest not to do the dumbest things
Kids are dying from self-suffocation, and the health department types are trying to convince us that we need to warn kids that they can die suffocating themselves. They gave the same warning over the kids dying from inhalants, and a particularly laughable quote came from an ex-inhalent user; "They never told me not to do this. They just warned me about drugs."
Are they kidding? The most basic premise of survival is to breathe; a person who doesn't get that can't be warned. The warning itself would sound like Charlie Brown's teacher to such inconceivably judgement-free brains.
Posted by Michela at 01:50 PM | Comments (3)
July 12, 2005
Breaking News! Convicted criminal wants conviction overturned
Now, a truly interesting headline would be
Quattrone Enjoying Prison Stay, Wishes Sentence was Longer
The real headline is totally un-interesting.
Posted by Michela at 05:11 PM
MWB Picks: Solar X-treme Sunscreen
That stuff is absolutely amazing! It has totally kept me blemish-free for months. Light-weight, and yet still keeps my slightly dry skin moisturized. With the SPF-45, I do not have to worry about shielding my beautiful, young skin from the sun while I drive around town with my sunroof open in F.B. (Fat Bastard; my second home on wheels, a Tahoe). I am trying other products in the line and my face is doing great (of course I had amazing skin to begin with but it is maintaining it perfectly). However, I can attest that I have seen a dramatic improvement in a less-fortunate co-worker's face since she started using the Epicuren products.
At this time I give a "100%, this is the best stuff you'll ever use on your face" endorsement to Solar X-treme. One important thing to note, as this product contains propolis (basically sanitized bee vomit), so hon, you cannot use this product if you are allergic to bees or honey.
Posted by Marla at 11:05 AM | Comments (3)
Breaking News: MWB Survives Flood
In the middle of the night Sunday (Monday morning at 3:45 a.m.), a freak accident caused a fire sprinkler head to break off and flood my city flat. It was the sprinkler in my place that broke, and being on the top floor, all homes below me also suffered incomprehensible flood damage. We're sort of back in biz here, the MWB server survived. The MWB writers survived. Nobody drowned (and there was no fire, in spite of the signal of the smoke detector that triggered this disaster).
Posted by Michela at 10:52 AM | Comments (3)
July 07, 2005
They are not Suicide Bombers, damnit! They're HOMICIDE Bombers!
For some reason the pansy media and the common folk around us continue to grant these satanically inspired homicidal maniacs the moniker of "suicide" bomber. This moniker gives them a sympathetic place in the world, right next to the intractably depressed and incurably ill. These homicidal maniacs do not have even one clipped pinky fingernail on the goal of suicide; they could jump of a bridge were this true. Their whole being, their entire existence, the sole goal and focus of their lives is not to die, but to murder, to commit homicide.
Kudos to FoxNews for already doing it...the entire world must stand up and call them what they are. Maybe that would change the mind of those leftwing whores who dismiss their acts as noble or courageous, as Bill Maher once said of our 9/11 homicidal maniacs.
Posted by Michela at 12:24 PM | Comments (2)
MWB Hearts go out to those in London
MWB doesn't have the political, social, or religious philosophy of the typical Londoner. And that's what makes our world a special one. When Westerners disagree, they usually do not go and bomb one another to bits. They debate. They argue. They vote. But they do not bomb.
I was once advised by a friend to get an Irish passport. Since my ancestors are nearly all Irish, my father could get one, I could get one (incidentally, this turned out not to be true). We joked that I would never be a target of the hijackers with an Irish passport. That the middle eastern terrorists feel some kinship with the Irish, repressed as they are by the British, and the battle they have waged against them.
I was bemused by this tidbit of the world, a world foreign to most Americans since we live in such a vast, vast place surrounded by food, shelter, all cultures, all religions.
All the religions you could name in the whole world have a sect, group, congregation, mosque--we could go on for-eveerrrr--in the US. We don't think of the world in terms of who likes who; the slaughter in Serbia of one group by another, the hacking of life and limbs (literally) by one group on another, just totally foreign to us no matter what Jesse Jackson and his black Mafioso would say.
I will never again grin slightly at the prospect of mano-a-mano with middle eastern terrorists. I will never again find it chuckle-worthy that they feel the Irish terrorists are cut from the same cloth, fighting the same good fight. The Irish terrorists who blew up so many people, shot them, bashed kneecaps off, and funded murder are not funny at all. That they could possibly have a kinship with middle-eastern homicidal maniacs is horrifying. I now throw them in the same stockpile; the one worthy of some gasoline and a match.
I won't lie and say the US is some harmonious, prejudice free garden of invisible skin color Eden. No way. Yet even amongst the vilest of our racists, civility is the rule of the day. Our most dangerous places are not so because of religion, but poverty and the unchecked disintegration of families who take care of each other. The world is not a perfect place and the US is no exception.
But the typical citizen, let's say well over 98% on a conservative estimate, would never agree with the murder of innocents on a subway to prove a point. Quite the opposite with the homicidal maniacs; quite the opposite. We sit here behind our PC monitors and our hearts go out to you. No matter what Britain did or didn't do, no matter how much we hate French people, no matter how two-faced and good-for-nothing we think the UN is, we would never bomb them, we would never murder innocent citizens to prove the point, and nobody, NOBODY, deserves to die in this way except the homicidal maniacs themselves.
Posted by Michela at 12:00 PM | Comments (1)
The Tragic Results of Liberal Machinations
The Libs push a flavor of social engineering as addicting as anything found in a crack pipe. The ideals promise everything for everyone, an Earth in Nirvana, "balance" (their fave catch phrase), and harmony. Terrorists do not hurt people (unless they're totally provoked, and for no other reason), and 50% of the CEOs are women. How could anyone ever get enough of such an ideal world. Just forget that in the purest form, these ideals are the Lenins ("property is criminal!"), the Stalins (10,000,000 murdered), the Pol Pots (2-3,000,000 murdered), the Fidel Castros (enough said).
When they pushed for MTB to be added to California gasoline, at any cost, they got to play both sides of the card when it polluted our drinking water..."See, we TOLD you gasoline was bad! Bad, bad! Bad gasoline!" And nary a peep that the leftists caused this pollution. And when they forced us to start adopting "clean energy" because power plants are "Bad! Bad Power Plants! Bad!", who knew...
The implementation of those windmills have killed about 44,000 birds, including hundreds of Golden Eagles.
Unfortunately, their talking heads are blaming the bird deaths on "improperly placed" windmills. How convenient. How blind...there is no impact-free way for human beings to live on this planet. Should we all just kill ourselves now? You'd like that, wouldn't you...
Posted by Michela at 07:00 AM | Comments (1)
July 06, 2005
MWB Picks: Save your cheese! with the FoodSaver...
Two big smooches to the FoodSaver home vacuum pack machine thingie. We resisted owning one of these things because they are advertised and sold on late-night infomercials of the cheesiest variety.
Someone gave us one of these home vacuum pack machine thingies for free, and speaking of cheese, it has saved our precious stock of cheese. For weeks now, it has perfectly preserved our parmesan, brie, gorgonzola, swiss, and our personal fave, the Fog cheese that works out to well over $40 a pound when the best of the best is bought (at Bristol Farms, soon-to-be MWB pick). We're doing an experiment with some crackers; we vacuum packed 6 of them and we're going to bury it on Marla's vast country estate. Results will not be announced in our lifetime (Marla and I would have to admit there is a passage of time and for us, there isn't. So there.).
But you know those crackers will be edible in 20 years so get a FoodSaver for yourself and start vacuum packing everything you own. You'll love it!
Posted by Michela at 01:46 PM
July 05, 2005
Need a Tee?
My personal favorite?
"The Koran, now in Two Ply"
I hope they have an extra small. Marla will need one a little bigger, for two different reasons.
Posted by Michela at 12:44 PM | Comments (6)
July 04, 2005
MWB Picks: Batman Begins
We liked the Batman movie. We loved Batman (played by Christian Bale), Michael Caine as the loyal British servant archetype, and Liam Neeson as the good and evil anti-hero.
Katie Holmes? We hated her, and webarely realized she was the same silly little girl Tom Cruise drags all over the world. She is as believable in her sincerity as an actor on a Saturday morning tween TV show. She also has a bizarre way of speaking by only moving half of her mouth. We kept expecting the drool to slither out on that corner of her mouth, since it made her look like she has had a recent stroke. Maybe it's all those vitamins she's choking down, as a new "Scien"tologist.
The movie was too long, but it was much more entertaining than any previous Batman movie and much MUCH more than Spiderman.
Posted by Michela at 12:43 PM | Comments (2)