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May 26, 2005
MWB loves a good dumb criminal story
When this boy genius gets out of jail, maybe he can submit an application to NASA; I hear they're looking for a good scientist who knows the difference between metrics and the Imperial system. A quick net search will bring him up to speed.
Posted by Michela at 09:55 AM | Comments (11)
May 25, 2005
God bless our differences
I've been noticing that liberal women are really uptight. Really uptight. For example, I drive a small sports car (metallic blue, convertible, my flaming red hair looks so hot on a top-down day... but I digress) and I must go over speedbumps very slowly and carefully. About 90% of the women in my building get their flesh colored pantyhose knotted far up their buttcracks while they wait an extra 1 minute 30 seconds to exit the parking garage. Another... chatting it up with the hot young checker at the grocery store, the thick-thighed, black hair-lipped beetches just wind it up, and I say, go get laid sister!
Since they are liberals and they can't be bothered to let go in this patriarchal hell we call Southern California, I decided to let you see for yourselves what the differences are between US, and THEM... here are a few...
CONSERVATIVE [or libertarian;)] ASSES:
LIBERAL ASSES:
Which one would you rather put your hands on?
Posted by Michela at 08:10 PM | Comments (2)
How about a headless body for breakfast
I remember this story from when it happened... But what can you say about a guy who decapitates his best friend while driving drunk... that's about the worst luck I've ever heard in my life, for both of them. See, how many times have we all stuck our heads out a car window, sick after a night of hard drinking. And jeeezus, none of us ever dreamed we'd get our heads chopped off by anyone but our parents.
The best part, if you will, is that the driver was so blasted he just drove home, parked, passed out inside, and left the headless body in the car--in the driveway, no less--to be found the next day by some folks on a nice morning stroll. His blood alcohol was only 2 times the limit? That's all it took for this guy to chop his friend's head off without knowing it? It woulda' taken about 7x that amount for Marla and me...
Cheers!
Posted by Michela at 06:36 PM | Comments (0)
Don't save them from themselfs
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/nkorea_nuclear
Left to their own communist devices, communist societies have very little gross domestic product, high inflation, negative growth, and just implode. China has been a stunning counter argument but they have succeded in three simple ways: by sheer number of expendible worker bees, adoption of some western ecomic practices, and stealing anything they need with protections, such as "Most Favored Nation" status granted by the US.
Just leave North Korea alone; their people are starving, their leader is insane, and we could obliterate them with one push of a very red button.
Posted by Michela at 08:00 AM | Comments (0)
May 24, 2005
Life in SoCal-lie
Q: How many people does it take to put together one set of scuba gear on a beautiful Saturday morning?
A: Two full size hu-maans and one chihuahua
And, the full spectrum SoCal-lie view of life:
<
Dallas, are you drooling? Or is that just a sweaty chin...
Posted by Michela at 11:30 AM | Comments (3)
May 23, 2005
What the F%!$ is THAT
I fear I will have to sew every stitch of clothing I will ever wear. Because if this is what is in my fashion future, I'd rather be buried now, while I can still find a proper pink Dolce & Gabbana suit. These pants, or whatever the hell they are calling these things, are worse than any whorifying Christina Aguilera get-up. They are worse than the worst beaded hairball monstrosity Cher's dead cat could cough up in Pet Psychic's Dead Pet Connection. Oh, and you pay $140 on eBay for crying out loud for these beauties.
Once again, the fashion industry run by flaming homosexuals is creating clothes that should simply be set on fire.
Posted by Michela at 04:53 PM | Comments (3)
May 22, 2005
Ouch!
Thanks Marla...
It's hard to read this article...like watching that kickboxing clip, where one opponent breaks the tibia (shin bone, my simple-minded, hangover-fogged bloggees) of the other opponent completely in half, a fact not apparent until he steps on the leg and it collapses.
I gather this guy's penis was broken completely in half during sex. Arrrrghhh! That was hard to write, and I'm a female! He sues the offending sex partner over this obviously complete accident. Typical liberal mindset (this guy could be a GOP chairman; we're talking mindset here). They expect us to live without risks, suffer no consequences or side effects of life.
People, corporations, the government, must remedy even fluke occurrences since the mindset demands a risk-free life. After you get by the ick-factor of the story, and then after you stop giggling, think about what it's really about.
Posted by Michela at 10:00 AM | Comments (2)
May 21, 2005
Crack Addik
I am a BlackBerry carrier. And it is as bad as it sounds; like a 'carrier' of tuberculosis and a 'carrier' of typhoid... a BlackBerry carrier. It can be an addiction; as surely as the herion was through Steven Tyler's veins, it can be an addiction, and that's when it morphs from BlackBerry to CrackBerry.
When I first got a job that gave me this Crack addiction, I thought, cool! Heroine addicts say the same thing, their first high; hey that was great... and, I won't get hooked. And then the Crack starts calling you, in the middle of the night, all night... it starts as low whispers at first; harmless and breathless little sounds..."check me.... check me.... check me...." and as surely as the high on first plunge of the syringe, if the mail count went from "4" to "5" between 10 p.m. and 10:15 p.m., you get a little thrill. It's subtle, to be sure; you can still walk to the bathroom without falling down. But it's a thrill nonetheless. A whiff of importance, a brief added meaning to life.
Then, like all addictions, it gets worse. The subtle, breathless whisper turns into a scream: CHECK ME! CHECK ME! CHECK ME! Like a baby in a poop-filled diaper, you're checkin' that thing 20 times a night. And your brain's pleasure centers feed you when you get that indicator that tells you your emails have incremented, one after another; 4; 5; 6; 9. Ooo I'm important now!
Then, like all addictions, the justification sets in... Okay; I'm checking this thing 80 times a night and all night long, but at least I won't have to get caught up on my emails tomorrow! And what a good thing too, because you're gonna have to get caught up on your sleep.
Then, like with all addicitons, the crash... I'm checking this thing 80 times a night, it's all bullshit, the people sending me emails all night must be on crystal methamphetemine, and I'm about to lose my mind. NO MORE! I QUIT! And you set the CrackBerry on the entry way table to charge, set to "off". And this, my friends, is the night the electricity in your server room goes, and they try to reach you all weekend. This is the night the stunning application you installed last week has crashed and burned this week. This is the night that your reconciliation module cannot reconcile. This is the night you reach...
Acceptance. And you turn the CrackBerry back on, and you don't dare stop checking it, and you don't question it anymore, like any good Borg would (not).
Life is good again.
Posted by Michela at 03:56 PM | Comments (1)
May 20, 2005
Ask Bono how your donations can help
This article describes an African tradition in which widows must have have sex with a male relative of her husband. I won't even bother saying why; it is no more worthy of an explanation than the fact that the Easter Bunny hides eggs. Why...why... Who cares why? The participants who have been forced into this servitude are not always willing (what a surprise) but the tradition continues.
And then Bono blathers on about help for African HIV sufferers and I have to say why? These traditions, the powerlessness of women, the corruption, the superstitious nature of their traditional beliefs, all work against real change. What a waste of the world's money. Bono has managed to create a flow of money down a superstitious drain.
Posted by Michela at 08:00 AM | Comments (0)
May 19, 2005
Meet a guy in Walmart?
Leave it to those whacky Krauts to find a new way to pick up someone for some kinky sex; over the handlebars of a walmart shopping cart. If I have to stoop to this level (uh, the one that has me meeting HIM while on my knees picking the best shaver), I'll skip Walmart and head to the sex shop for equipment instead.
Posted by Michela at 08:44 PM | Comments (0)
Why is this news
A man who bludgeoned his girlfriend to death with a cast iron skillet was set free by the parole board in his state after only serving 5 years, brutally murders again, and this is news? It should be a justice system revolution.
The parole board states that this is an "unusual case" and that parolees don't "generally" commit crimes of this extreme when set free. Not generally? Gee, I feel safer... Besides, parole board dude, I don't imagine you have a lot of Le Creuset killers to begin with. And the case underscores the greatest injustice of the 20th and 21st centuries; while we have insisted on incarcerating a 19 year-old woman carrying 5 pounds of cocaine for the rest of her life, we'll let a brutal killer walk free in 5 years.
I'd have loved to be a fly on the brain of this parole board when they pondered his release..."Gee, I'm sure a homicidal skillet killer can change in 5 years; it's not like he used a gun..."
Tell that to his three newest victims, bludgeoned with a claw hammer, strangled, and stomped to death, in that order.
Posted by Michela at 10:12 AM | Comments (1)
May 18, 2005
The Unions are Going! The Unions are Going!
Unfortunately for you, me, consumers everywhere, and the union employees themselves, the latest warnings that the big unions are in trouble and perhaps headed towards demise is just another chicken little cry.
This story describes in-fighting, political problems, and legal problems of the largest union in the US today. Um, 'scuse me, but doesn't this describe the state of the unions since 1920? I do not believe Jimmy Hoffa was fed to the fishes (or the stadium parking lot, as the case may be) because the Union's family harmony was as strong as the Brady Bunch in the last 30 seconds of any episode. Nor would this be the first time the unions have faced significant investigations by the federal government, nor the first time its members are dissatisfied with the results they receive.
However, since the few remaining very highly paid unskilled labor jobs (liquor, longshoreman, car manufacturing) which remain in the US are strangleheld by unions, that no single person has the choice not to belong to a union to work in one of these union jobs, the death knell is a little premature. Indeed, the satisfaction with unions by their own members have been waning since the 70's. Other than a few exceptionally choice meats--such as longshoremen--the benefits union receive for their huge union dues is small. They have free health care, but uh, 'scuse me again you blind union members, you're paying $100 a month for this freebie, and you're starting to be able to do the math even though you went to California Public Schools.
The members see that when they go on strike for the newest and future members of the unions (grocery store strikes) they lost big; the grocery stores lost little money (since they weren't paying fat cat union wages and benefits for so long) and people still shopped and didn't really care. Further, why should they care about the future snot-noses when they have a family to feed today?
Retirement, the other sacred cow of the unions, is proving to be a lost ghost as well. While the unions have managed to previously brainwash their masses that their retirement plans are better, safer, blah blah, anyone with a friend in Finance 101 and a handy Texas Instruments calculator can tell you even in the most risky 401k plan where losses are racked up, the 401k retiree will be sipping frothy margaritas in Bali while you line up at the Walmart in Phoenix for the big sale on Shasta Root Beer. Again, in spite of their California Public Educations, the natives are growing restless at the math that proves their non-union peers frolicking with natives in the tropics.
However, while the stranglehold holds, the unions have a furious infusion of cash and I doubt they will fold in my lifetime. But believe me, I'll be checking the US news from the sub-equatorial tropical beach when I retire.
Posted by Michela at 07:12 AM | Comments (0)
May 17, 2005
75% responsible 100% of the time
A child who was abused so severely that she is now permanently physically and mentally disabled won $26 million from the state of Florida. It seems that when a child is beaten by her parents, or the mother's boyfriend (in this case), the state is liable.
The child couldn't walk, and she was taken to a hospital where a tumor was found on her spine. An abuse investigation was opened her collar bone was also found unexplicably broken. Within one month of being released from the hospital she received the devastating beating.
If the state takes your kids away because they think you're abusing them, and the state is wrong, the state is responsible (read in dollar signs). If the state doesn't take your kids and you are abusing them, the state is responsible (more dollar signs).
The state can't win, the kids are losers regardless, and the taxpayers foot the bill as always. Juries (and liberals in general) forget that the 'state' doesn't sit around printing money all day; it comes from somewhere. And abusers should first and foremost be the parties responsible when these crimes occur; the state's only involvement can--at best--be a stopgap that may or may not stop all the gaps. The number of children in foster care is a staggering figure. How can a massive government bureaucracy possibly identify and help them all...
Neither the child nor the adoptive parents have a claim to the state's coffer's and no right to become instant millionaires due to the evil mother and the evil mother's boyfriend.
Posted by Michela at 04:18 PM | Comments (0)
May 16, 2005
The Camera Lens is Completely Broken
So much focus is on Newsweek for having printed an inflammatory news story based on flimsy or fabricated evidence of wrongdoing at Guantanamo Bay. Of course MediaWatchblog is not surprised that such a story would make it to print in this magazine, no more than we were over CBS' Memogate. This media mis-information has been and will be an issue as long as liberals think the media is unbiased, and as long as media organizations continue to be blindly arrogant with news decisions.
But it's blissful to me that the liberal media blindness is now running them over as surely as 94 year-old driving at 2 a.m.
In the same way that media leftists have not written that the carnage in Iraq is due to homicidal maniacs, they are simply retreating and not addressing the fact that once again the maniacs are at work. These prehistoric animals have murdered, pillaged, and destroyed city streets over the mere suggestion that their holy book has been desecrated.
I wonder what license the leftists would give us when they desecrate our flag, the Christian bible, or our religious symbols by displaying pagan “artwork”--urine soaked religious artifacts--paid for by taxpayers.
The violence committed by these 'people' is astounding; they slaughter more human beings than the most notorious serial killer in the history of the western world combined. They are more cruel, heartless, and inhumane than any despot; they simply have limited resources. And yet the media writes about these 'people' as though the had a reason--a valid reason--to murder and maim the way they do.
Perhaps the reason they live in abject poverty and misery is that they are barbarians for another time; one more fitting the Crusades than Microsoft. And perhaps that means we should let them all rot in their miserable deserts. I'd walk to work for that cause...
Posted by Michela at 03:54 PM | Comments (0)
May 11, 2005
The Golden Lazy Ass
The Golden Ass by Apuleius is a fabulous piece of Greek literature. The main character, Lucius, is transformed into an ass after he happens upon a town of witches. The story is about Lucius attempting to find a remedy to his ass problem, such as it is.
That's about how I'd sum up many of us Americans. Yes, Americans. Americans are unique in the Western world in that we drive everywhere (as opposed to taking public transportation), lead soccer-game fueled frenetic lives, eat lots of pre-prepared foods in fabulous excess, and watch too much television. Before I romanticize our train-loving, Metropolitain-riding European cousines, for the record I was highly amazed how un-put-out Europeans are by having to ride bicycles through Munich in Winter, or by the mud slogging you must to do to catch the Metro in gay Paris...but I digress.
Our thighs spread, our frenzied lives become too much, and Desperate Housewives hits too close to home. We start to look for the magic diet pill, anti-depressants, and a different TV Show. What the hell am I rambling on about...
I had a talk with a gal having trouble keeping her weight off, and having pain in her neck from "tendonitis due to a PC monitor," which made it even more difficult to exercise. Sounds reasonable, even likely, doesn't it? She was in so much pain she was considering a workers' compensation claim. She then says, "have you seen this show?" and "have you tried netflix?" Mouth shut, me thinks, the neck pain isn't from bizillion hours of weekly TV?
I started to tell her how I, coincidentally, had been having a stiff neck. It was completely cured by neck exercises I do in Jiu Jitsu, and she stepped back, aghast... exercise? The look on her face...put my hand in boiling oil? My goodness no; no time for the gym (a gym, for which our company pays 100% of the dues, is in our parking lot). And, she didn't want to worsen the severity of the "injury."
This gal is now getting some horse pills from the doctor for the pain, while juggling transportation to her daughter's dance lessons and her son to Pee Wee Football.
Once again, mouth shut, but me thinks that the solution to this crazy life is the horse pills, the physical pain... much like Lucius in search of a solution to his ass transformation, that's what we do. The simple solutions are in front of us, and they're simple. But as Golden Lazy Asses, we can't discern our fuzzy lips from our tails. The irony of it is that she is not lazy at all; she runs around like Paul Revere on the eve of the invasion. But rather than refocusing her efforts, she'll hit the horse pills and the simple solution will slip further out of reach.
Posted by Michela at 07:18 PM | Comments (0)
May 09, 2005
Homosexuality is biology
A fanatical Christian friend I had once told me how homosexuality was wrong, but he would not hate them "just" for being gay, and did he not believe they would go to hell. How magnanimous it is of Christians to let gays through the pearly gates, along with child murderers who have been redeemed on their way to the gas chamber. He would only say he "loves the sinner, but hates the sin." Sin?
I would ask him, isn't it the least bit possible god created homosexuals to control the population? Or perhaps to provide nannies for orphaned children. Women were dropping left and right during childbirth...a flaming homosexual nanny would be a gift from god, in my mind.
It wasn't possible to him that human beings are so complex, so much so that infinite variations are possible, and that this is one of the defective variations just like cleft palates, dwarfism, or red hair. I wouldn't normally compare gays to dwarfs, but I'm trying to reach Christian logic centers here; if a person did not choose to be homosexual, there is no way it could be a sin. Even more, it might be part of the grand design, of which Christians always profess not to have personal knowledge; that doesn't stop them from telling us they know better than we do when it comes to their belief systems.
He couldn't answer why fanatical Christians are so concerned with who screws what in where. After all, if homosexuals are so evil, and they're recruiting, protect your kids from them the same way you would from drug dealers, or people who use the F word too much.
It never made sense to him when I said, "It's none of your business what they do in bed, and NO, holding hands in public does NOT make it your business any more than it makes it my business whether or not you and your wife have oral sex, just because you hold hands in public."
We must not tolerate fanatical Christianity any more than fundamentalist Islam. The ultimate path of each is the limitation of personal liberty and bloodthirsty pogroms. The Crusades may have been hundreds of years ago but Bosnia, Serbia, Sudan, and many others were just yesterday. Let's not have a tomorrow.
Posted by Michela at 06:10 PM | Comments (3)
As IF
As if we needed more evidience that the runaway bride was completely nuts and not marriage material... But this guy will probably marry her like god says he should and he'll end up with 5 dead kids. Can you spell Y-A-T-E-S, you dear future husband of this whackadoo?
Posted by Michela at 02:40 PM | Comments (1)
May 08, 2005
Random Rants, Vol. I
- Is anyone else sick of that ho hum brunette as the Yahoo! Mail cover girl? Is the Calvin Klein undie model available?
- Why do idiots in SoCal drive in the left lanes when traffic is passing them on the right?
- Why are traffic lights never synchronized? Why am I stopped at light #1, lights #2 and #3 are green. Light #1 goes green, so light #2 goes red; light #3 stays green. Light #2 goes green and now light #3 goes red. Has anyone calculated how much time and gas we waste stopping at 10 lights in 10 blocks?
- Why are people in Southern California so complacent over the illegal immigration problem?
- How do people who call me racist for being against illegal immigration answer to the fact that Mexico's laws are the same or more strict than ours? Are they racist?
Posted by Michela at 03:40 PM | Comments (0)
May 07, 2005
Nothing better to do?
Apparently, there's no murder, drunken driving, child molestation, kidnappings, beatings, or any other serious crime in Texas because they have time to pass laws banning cheerleader butt jiggles. And in the State's House of Representatives, no less.
Unbelievably, I'm siding with the only sane person quoted in this story:
"Democratic state Rep. Senfronia Thompson, also of Houston, said the bill was a waste of valuable time.
'I think the Texas Education Agency has enough to do making sure our kids are better educated, and we are wasting our time with "one two three four, we can't shake it any more?"' Thompson told legislators.
Posted by Michela at 11:42 AM | Comments (0)
May 06, 2005
Random Rant: Proof of Idiot Life
Bumper stickers seen on a gargantuan SUV on the road today:
Right side of bumper:
"Cap Insurance Rates -- Not Injured Workers' Compensation"
Left side (how appropriate) of bumper:
"John Kerry..." blah blah something about a new America, blah blah
This moron is no more aware that the election campaign is ancient history, and that they make stuff that makes taking those stickers off real simple, than he is able to understand you cannot pull money out of anyone's arse-not even a corporate arse. The parental refrain "Money doesn't grow on trees!" just didn't sink in there, did it buddy.
How can you provide an unlimited outflow of benefits (benefit=cost=money is required to buy!) with a limited inflow for the payment for said benefits? Or does $1 + $1 = infinity on Planet Leftist?
Posted by Michela at 11:06 AM | Comments (2)
May 05, 2005
Is it Ben? Or is it Brett? Ben? Brett?
One of my favorite people in the whole wide world looks like Ben Affleck's fraternal twin. I have dubbed him Brett Affleck, and I think he'd pass as such at any Follywood A-list restaurant or club (just take me with you, B). Several people who've heard me talk about him but have never seen him have said, aw, come on now, how much does he really look like him...?
You be the judge.
Posted by Michela at 06:03 PM | Comments (6)
May 04, 2005
Tragedy and Truth
A friend living deep in the socialist trenches of France recently pegged me with the question "well if the media is so liberal why aren't they showing pictures of the body bags in Iraq." I replied with a picture from the FoxNews.com home page which showed a seriously injured young girl with her father at her bedside. I offered to PhotoShop a body bag into the picture if that would help... What I failed to do that day was to copy what was simultaneously on the CNN.com home page; my recollection now, several days later, is that it was something like why Benedict chose that name, and later in the day just a picture of an empty Iraqi street.
Today, the front page of FoxNews.com is that of a very small child being cradled in the arms of a US soldier, with the caption: "GI comforts a child fatally wounded in a car bombing." My heart aches for this child and his/her family, for the GI there offering the only thing he can—his loving arms. My heart breaks over the fact that someone, a homicide bomber, could and would tear apart precious life limb by limb in this way. Ultimately, it’s to no significant end, either; the line in the sand in Israel has moved what is symbolically just a few inches. If this method was at all effective, Palestine would control the entire middle east, for all the bloodshed caused by their homicide bombers.
On the cover of today's CNN.com home page is simply a dour picture of Lynndie England (oh the irony and the humanity). There is a blurb and its corresponding link to a news report on the carnage in Iraq today, but certainly photos. What does this say to me?
CNN can't bear to publish these photos or to speak candidly about the carnage because they'd lend credence to the fact that these homicide bombers--not the United States, not Great Britain, not the average freedom-seeking Iraqi, but homicide bombers--are responsible for the death, destruction, and misery in this budding new country (and elsewhere). If the LEFTIST media had any stomach at all for the truth, they would widely publicize the murders. They'd have the guts to show what destruction they wreak on the world without pillow-soft euphemisms such as "the opposition" or "Islamic freedom fighters."
MWB Note: I'll gladly email you the two photos, dowloaded within a minute of each other from the respective home pages of FoxNews.com and CNN.com.
Posted by Michela at 01:23 PM | Comments (1)
May 03, 2005
What happens in Vegas Stays in Vegas
Marla went to Vegas. Good times, good times. End of story! We love you Marla!
Posted by Michela at 01:27 PM | Comments (4)
May 02, 2005
Now now boys and girls, play nice!
I had the privilege of attending a one year-old's birthday party on Sunday. My sister was in town for the party (she lives an hour away otherwise), so it doubled as a bi-weekly visit with her and my precious nieces. Everyone who matters has seen their pictures and already knows how unbelievably beautiful they are, but I digress...
The hostess/mother rented one of those huge blow-up tent thingies in which kids can jump up and down with little danger of serious injury. The kids can't bounce as high as a trampoline and the tent is enclosed with blow-up and netted sides. Inside this latex beast, we have a mini window into a major debate. Where's the president of Harvard? Where's the Huffy Witch who couldn't even listen Dr. Sumners' opinion that, god forBID, girls and boys are--gasp--different?
If Huffy Harvard Witch took her fingers out of her ears and her fist out of her own self-blackened eyes, she might see what I saw on sunny Sunday California day. A dialogue, if you will, between 2 year-old Lucas, 3 year-old Jacob, and 3 year-old Emily:
"I'm Lucas. I'm 2. Watch me jump on Jacob!"
"Look! Look! I can flip this [pointing to the ceiling of the tent]! Watch!"
""Owwwch! Go away! Please! I'm jumping!"
"I shot him in your head! Bang! You're dead! I took your head off!"
"No you didn't. I shot you dead. Pow pow!"
While I could go through this discourse and credit the quotes, I don't think anyone will have any difficulty in discerning what gender spoke. What I found infinitely fascinating was just how different these wee little lasses and lassies are, so early on; strikingly so. Mammals of the four-legged furry type are indistinguishable until sexual maturity. We are completely different from the moment we hit our feet and start opening cupboard doors.
Socialization had nothing to do with this exchange; my sister never taught her daughter to be dimunitive and sweet, "like a lady" should be. Even if she had, what a lady is like would mean nothing at such a young age. It is simply how Emily is, and has been, since she could walk. I'm sure Lucas and Jacob have been boy-style terrors since they could walk.
Why the "debate" continues on whether or not boys and girls are different is mind boggling. That we are, end of story. Why we are, only a bit more debatable. How much impact this difference has on the statistical probability of a female becoming a brilliant scientist vs. a male becoming a brilliant scientist, the only unanswered question. If Huffy Witch spent a little more time on this answer and less on turning harmless comments into statements of absolutes and fact, perhaps she could really make an impact on this world, rather than the job of one brave man.
Posted by Michela at 05:33 PM | Comments (0)