Everyone and anyone who knows me knows all about.... THE NOT-SO-FABULOUS FLOOD OF '05. The scene? One thousand gallons of water pouring in from the ceiling of a third floor apartment, and subsequently destroying said apartment and the two below it. The cause? A broken fire sprinkler that certainly should never have broken. The big deal? The Irvine Company went after Michela like a drunken frat boy on a bikini in Ft. Lauderdale when it was really caused by multiple Irvine Company equipment failures. The upshot? Their vicious bulldog dyke attorney scared the bezeejus out of Michela but in the end, those P-fers didn't get a dime and the only damage was that Michela was tossed onto the street when the lease was up, which seemed a fair trade-off for a several thousand dollar bill in repairs and hotels. Therefore, when I heard the following quote from a source I cannot name, I laughed, having personally dealt with these bastards:

Dealing with the Irvine Company is like dealing with the Mob.

Michela seconds, thirds, and fourths this sentiment. The Irvine Company really does have a monopoly on commercial and multifamily real estate in Irvine, Tustin Ranch, and Newport beach. Let's not forget James Irvine was Irish; maybe the IRA is behind THE FAMILY. Well I just got a good laugh; prior to hearing my seriously sad tale, this person confirmed what Michela experienced first-hand.

Michela is again the source of a fantastic quip. My second this year! In discussing a certain pigheadedness of someone I may or may not work with...

If you try to milk a bull, all you get is bullshit.

If only you all knew how true this is!

I am still 99.9999% resistant to any commentary on Baldy or dearly departed ANS. However, the remaining .0001% could not resist this fabulous quote from Foxnews.com columnist Mike Straka. For your information, he coined the term "obliviot" to describe idiots who are oblivious to their idiocy. For example, it is obliviots who stop at the end of an escalator after taking a single one inch step. Subsequently, those who are being propelled towards that very same spot by the machinery but have nowhere to go and no choice but to physically shove that obliviot out of the way. Many obliviots have met the palms of my hands in this circumstance. After all, given the choice between falling on an escalator and having my hair ripped from my skull by the gears, or sending Aunt Flo teeth first into the floor, guess which option I'm choosing. But I digress. Yes, the person who coins such an AbFab term as obliviot deserves respek. He also brings us the following absolutely fabulous quote for the day:

I used to try to defend Spears, but when K-Fed comes out looking like the one with the head screwed on right, something is rotten in Denmark.

'Nuff said!

This quote is from Mz. Michela herself... out loud, in her litte car, driving down the road, listening to the media who just couldn't cough up enough spittle to kiss Hillbillies big fat ass if they tried even harder than they are now.

Dear God! I couldn't take another four years of a Bush or a Clinton or of a Clinton with a bush!

You heard it here first loyal MWB-ers! Beautiful babay! Beautiful!!!

With Michela's fury over the prison beating of Ignacio Nacho Ramos put on ice so that she doesn't drop dead of a heart attack after pulling out all her thick locks with the hand-wringing of the clinically insane, we're going to lighten the post up a bit today with this fabulous quote from her favorite rag, MAXIM magazine:

Popped Collars... Complete list of the people who can get away with this look: Elvis, Elvis impersonators, Dracula. Everybody else, tuck them down. Dick.

For those guys out there who are still unclear on this immutable fashion edict, please see the following clearly illustrated guide before you become a dick:

Her second favorite quote from MAXIM? Where the writer tells "kelp boy" that vegan bacon sucks. However, given the recent events at the Canadian pig farm, we'll just keep that one under our hats.

This is from my radio program who is covering the massive travesty of justice, the Ignacio Ramos / Jose Compean case, The John & Ken Show, Ken Champeau:

Johnny Sutton could make your traffic ticket look like a murder case.

DEBRA KANOF YOU ARE A CUNT AND YOU WILL DIE OF CANCER OF THE EYES AND BURN IN HELL JOHNNY SUTTON YOU ARE A SATANIC MONSTER -YOU WILL DIE OF CANCER OF THE ASSHOLE AND BURN IN HELL GEORGE BUSH YOU ARE AN EVIL IDIOT AND YOU WILL BURN IN HELL WITH BOTH OF THEM MARY BONO YOU ARE A CUNT AND YOU WILL ROT IN HELL WITH ALL THREE OF THEM TONY SNOW YOU ARE AN INHUMAN MONSTER AND YOU WILL DIE OF CANCER OF YOUR ANUS AND FRY LIKE SUNDAY EGGS WITH THE OTHER FOUR

The holidays have MWB at a little quiet lately, but another fabulous quote warrants a quick entry. "Frangela", a comedy duo from Los Angeles, responded to Courtney Love's public admonition to Britney Spears. Love said something along the lines of "I didn't go out much before my daughter was a year old." To which "Frangela" replied:

When Courtney Love starts giving you parenting advice, and she's right, you know you're doin' wrong. You've messed up. Yep, you've messed up.

God only knows I try to avoid any story that says word one about Britney Spears and any of the other caggle of sub-zero IQ'd 'stars' like....well never mind you know the list. But this was a precious gem. Courtney Love, drug muddled babbling mother of the year gives sane advice to white trash Spears. Gotta Love (hehehe) that one.

Militant feminsts and other miscellaneous birkenstock owners are always good for a fabulous Whackadoo Quote of the day. Our latest? Some grass-eating, mustached, guaze-skirted representative from a "women's rights group" Equality Now (gag me with a 5 pronged pitchfork) said this about my favorite place to watch everyone else eat chicken wings:

The most concerning part of a restaurant like Hooters is it’s been normalized — you even see sometimes families go in ... and this is a place where a woman’s body is really the object of the restaurant.

That's right. Taina Bien-Aime (somehow I don't think that's a hyphenated after marriage name; my guess is there isn't a guy with half a sac left in NYC who could date this chick for 5 minutes, never mind marry her) thinks that the Hooters restaurant chain is "concerning." Oh dear! Families eat there? Whoa there nellie! You mean a kid might see a woman with big boobies in a tee shirt? Dollars to vegan doughnuts MS. Bien-Aime doesn't go to the beach. Or to the movies. Or shopping. Dear god, on a recent trip to that fabulous US shopping mecca, South Coast Plaza, I saw at least 1,000 women dressed more obscenely than Hooter girls. And there was no shortage of 12 year-old boys to oogle them, either. And just because we can't see MS. Bien-Aime's form behind her 12 pounds of very loose gauze couture, that doesn't mean that the rest of us gals don't want our bodies be admired. What a concept! Feminists have castigated women for decades for hating our bodies, now we're supposed to be ashamed of them? Hide them? Not "let" them be the "object" of a restaurant? Now, wouldn't you rather get your grub from a hot chick than a fat slob with a hairy wart? I sure would. Just let me know where MS. Bien-Aime eats when dining in NYC...me thinks I wouldn't want to go there and be served by a woman with more piercings than a peg board, more tatoos than skin, and dreadlocks so glued together by filth only a clean shave will fix it. Noooo thank you. Gimme Hooter girl boobs any day.

iGanja and I went to see Tommy and Shelby Chong at the Irvine Improv Friday night. And no, he did not launch into any N-word tirades. But he did give MWB our Fabulous Quote of the Day. It was roughly:

The government says that marijuana is and should be illegal because it makes you lazy and unmotivated. Now there's a reason to throw people in prison for 10 years! "You're lazy, and unmotivated. You're going to prison!"

And he's right...if we threw all the lazy and unmotivated people in this world into prison, why, only Marla, Michela, and iGanja would be left! tee hee

Read all about it Unbelievably, I've seen three examples in the last two days of two-sided reporting on the CNN channel and CNN.com. I keep checking my pulse, and fortunately, it's still there. But given the shocking nature of such fairness by ardent socialist Ted Turner's network, it's amazing I'm not dead on the floor. This piece is a response by Jim Gilchrist to an ingratiating opinion piece about the events at Columbia University where students successfully put a wet towel on a freedom of speech fire. They violently attacked Mr. Gilchrist and thereby prevented him from speaking; an infringment on free speech which, if committed by non-liberals, would have caused a media maelstrom not seen since Nixon's henchment broke into the Watergate Hotel. But since the violence was perpetrated against conservative speech, eh, eesss okay mayn. But here is the fabulous quote in which Gilchrist challenges CNN.com readers to wonder whether they think for themselves, or they are led around by the media sheepherders:

The hope and belief of Navarrette and his fellow propagandist journalists, along with anti-American groups like those that disrupted my speech, is that readers are so simple-minded they cannot distinguish between truth and fiction. One can only hope that CNN.com readers are not so easily fooled.

Unfortunately, Mr. Gilcrhist, those who can already think for themselves agree with you. Too many sheep are following the anti-American sheepherders who are leading this Nation off the edge of a steep cliff. There is no sign of reason interceding before we hit the canyon floor. And most of our politicians are ready to follow the sheep right of the edge. Hopefully, Planet Michela will be ready for reasonable people to escape to when the freefall begins.

From Randall Warner, Republican farmer in Kansas:

Stick a Republican and a Democrat in a sack, shake it up, pour it out, and the same rapacious thing crawls out. Creatures from a smoke-filled room.

Our fabulous quote of the day is from John Ziegler, read at www.JohnZiegler.com:

"The female figure is the greatest known evidence that there might be a God...but the female psyche is an indication that this God has a very sick sense of humor."

MWB couldn't agree more. As a mostly female website, the gals of MWB think most females are beautiful and witty; solid contributors to society. On the other hand, as our JRule points out, they can also be bitchy, haggish, angry, resentful, overly suspicious, nagging, and illogical Beelzebubs. And that's all at the same time! MWB gals agree males fall into four simple categories: Category One: Hot guys. Definitely fuckable; the type you take home only after 1 a.m. and kick out by 3 a.m. as they are not built for, eh hem, conversation. Must be able to make a sandwich without waking you. Difficult task for Category Ones; they're not so smart, and the best thing they have going for them besides being fuckable is a pulse. Category Two: Ugly guys. Not fuckable. MWB always prays these guys are super smart, say, like Billy Boy Gates. Otherwise, the best thing they have going for them period is a pulse. Category Three: Hot guys, not fuckable. They are assholes. Cannot speak in complete sentences. Growl at the television frequently. Have broken several remote controls during the superbowl. These guys like hoochie mamas who wear t-shirts that say "GOT MILK?" Category Four: Hot guys, fuckable, relationship worthy. And that's it. See, again, chicks can be, all at once, in all the above categories and 50 more. Within the same day!

From my friend JRule, regarding finding the right woman:

"You want to stay positive, efficient, warm, high confidence, hopeful."

But...

"It's like trying to remain pure of heart while dueling beelzebub."

Beelzebub indeed! When I hear of the hags my poor guy friends are forced to choose between, Beelzebub, Ice Queen, Anger Hangar, I just don't know what to say. But let me give it a shot... MARLA AND MICHELA ARE THE CATCHES OF THE CENTURY!!!!

Read all about Joe Thanks to Maddox Man for this one...hawk-eyed MWB-er Michela spotted this fab frase in Maddox's email signature.

"The person who cannot find time for exercise must find time for illness." - Joe Loprinzi

As it turns out, Joe Loprinzi is quite a character. He has been a weightlifter since the 1930's, started one of the first weight-lifting classes for women, and a "jogging" club which was first mocked in the 1960's. Michela has a real problem with the word jogging...it sounds like an activity those chicks who lean heavily on their arms on the treadmill while they read cosmo, and burn 50 calories in a 50 minute workout. But this is the 1960's and it was revolutionary. Go Joe!

"Good thing they don't play with bowling balls!"

So says a sub-triple digit IQ'd teen sitting behind me at the baseball game this evening after a foul ball soared over our heads.

"If they did, we'd be dead right now!"

Honey, if they played with bowling balls, all the players would be dead right now. Let's not even talk about that silly wittle topic called "physics" either. It would give her a headache just to pronounce the word...

Los Angeles radio host Bill Handel (and his news team) on KFI AM 640, on the break-up of Paul McCartney and his amputee wife, Heather Mills:

"Paul's friends knows why they are splitting, but Heather is stumped."

and

"Paul is taking the break-up well, but Heather is hopping mad."

and

"She won't have a leg to stand on in the divorce."

and

"Heather is so upset; she doesn't have anyone to lean on."

Mercy me, that's some funny shit!

Read all about it Since the frogs can't make anything worth a damn on their own, they have to steal the ideas and technology from American innovators. I hope Apple gives Frawnce the biggest Shaquile O'Neil middle finger they can find. Fuck the frogs; they can listen to their cassette players if they don't like it! I have a few in a drawer I could send their way... To justify the proposterous idea that allowing competitors to have access to a technology paid for, developed, and refined by an absolutely fabulous company for free, the "Culture Minister" and some other communist dumbass come up with this laughable statement: "When this [this being the theft of Apple's technology] happens, iTunes will have the French government to thank for making it possible to draw so many Internet users toward legal platforms." Yah, we'll have the French to thank for eliminating the concept of patents, research and development, and competitive market forces. What that will leave us with is cassette players, dixie cups, and really bad French cars. And we WILL have the French to "thank."

Read all about it Marla gives us the Fabulous Quote of the Day...and she's spot on too! The termites had enough sense (and brains) to go to higher ground on Katrina contact. But not those looters! Not those dumb asses at the convention center! But dem termites, hoooo dawggie, not only did they survive, they're done BACK, and a fortnight sooner than mosta dem hu-mans, too! Uh, the termites were so smart, I'm a little scared, maybe....

Read all about the Orange Line Crashes Read all about the Deadly MLK Hospital That's enough bathroom reading for a food poisoned bulemic. But the short story is that the Orange Line buses in Los Angeles crash a lot, and the Martin Luther King Hospital in Los Angeles kills a lot of people. Los Angeles talk show host Bill Handel, after the latest Orange Line crash, says: "It's the new Arab curse...'May you go on the Orange Line and be taken to Martin Luther King Hospital when you crash!' " Oh man, you gotta be familiar with both situations to just roll on the floor with a sideache.

Guy Ritchie says that the scathing criticism of his latest god-awful movie doesn't bother him: "...critics have been harsh all the way through my career but it doesn't affect me..." Maybe that's why he does not learn from his mistakes. And uh, I think the critics started when not all the way at the beginning, but the day Madonna sucked the lifeblood out of him and wrecked his creativity. Danielle Steele could have written and directed a better Swept Away.

Marla and I were discussing the apparent and rampant trend for males and females to fall apart after 30, kids or no kids. Says Marla: "These people didn't just hit the wall, it looks like they hit the wall, went back through the wall, in fact, it looks like they're just going back and forth through the wall!" I haven't laughed so hard with a sore throat in all my life.