Read all about it Just when you thought your sex life was as bad as it gets, Updike gives you a sex scene that will definitely not give you an up-dick: "...arranging her legs in an M of receptivity, and he knelt between them like the most abject and craven supplicant who ever exposed his bare ass to the eagle eyes of a bunch of crows." An "M" of "receptivity"? WTF? "Abject and craven supplicant"? WTF? I can only imagine the frigid, nightmarish scene of copulation this might have been, were these real people. And then there's Marlon Brando's version of sultry sex: "She could not answer. It is the one drawback of fellatio as conscientious as hers that it eliminates the chance for small talk and poetry alike." The "one" drawback of oral sex is no small talk or poetic readings? WTF? Welcome to Guardian Unlimited Books' Bad Sex in Fiction Awards . Let's just say MWB read them all, and couldn't find any reason to argue one of the 'winners' off this list. Read away...and don't worry about reading in a public place. You won't get a noticable woody from these gems.