Sponge Bob's 15 minutes in the news has proven once again that the Sex Starved Trinity (evangelical, born-again, fundamentalists) still sees homo sex, baaaad homo sex that, dadgummit, don't even produce no babies. The homos are anywhere and everywhere they look for it and they want YOU. Under the table, in the MICR line of your checkbook, in cartoons. "They" are recruiting, so watch out. We're pretty sure there was a confirmed homo Cabbage Patch Kid, but the awakening really began with the she-tubbie, Tinky Winky. A Purple-Pursie was observed by a keen-eyed SST (none other than Jerry Falwell) flitting around his arm whilst seductively luring in the innocents by the lusciously plump, hypnotic sway of the Teletubbie bottom. It all but screamed, "Backdoor Babylon!" It's not that we're not all for the SST's revelations of rampant homo hedonism, the heightened awareness of active homo recruiting, or that we don't appreciate our enlightenment on the pervasiveness of homo perv, since frankly, we'd like to know where to find more of it and we really appreciate the tips. But we find it remarkable they care so much about what goes in or out of other people's asses. After all, we'd definitely rather not know the ins or outs of theirs.